Joe College: A Novel Read Online Free PDF Page B

excitement tempered by caution.
    “What I want doesn’t seem to matter.”
    “What do you mean?” Her voice was quiet now, a little defensive.
    “What do you think I mean?”
    “Tell me.” Even in the darkness of the Roach Coach, I could see that she was getting ready to cry again. I hated it when she cried, hated how guilty it made me feel, and how manipulative she seemed in her misery.
    “My parents are away,” I told her. “We can do anything we want to. So why are we sitting here arguing about nothing?”
    Something suddenly seemed very interesting to her outside the passenger window. I let her stare at it for as long as she needed to.
     
     
    She came over the following night. It happened to be the Saturday before I left for school, our last chance to take advantage of the empty house. She made the decision herself, after I made it clear that I wasn’t much feeling like going anywhere.
    I had everything ready when she arrived. Hall and Oates on the record player, Mateus in the refrigerator, candles in the bedroom. In my pocket I carried two Fourex lambskin condoms. (Fourex were my condoms of choice in those days. They came in little blue plastic capsules, which, though inconveniently bulky and difficult to open, seemed infinitely classier than the little foil pouches that housed less exotic rubbers. I used the brand for several years, right up to the day someone explained to me that “lambskin” was not, in fact, a euphemism.)
    We drank a glass of wine and went upstairs. I lit the candles. We kissed for a while and started taking off our clothes. Her body was everything I’d hoped for, and I would have been ecstatic if Cindy hadn’t seemed so subdued and defeated in her nakedness. She sat on the bed, knees drawn to her chest, and watched me fumble with my blue capsule, her expression suggesting resignation rather than arousal. Finally the top popped off.
    “There!” I said, triumphantly producing the condom.
    She watched with grim curiosity as I began unfurling it over the tip of my erection, which already seemed decidedly more tentative than it had just seconds earlier.
    “This is all you wanted,” she said. She stated it as a fact, not a question.
    “Don’t be ridiculous,” I muttered. I found it hard enough to put on a condom in the best of circumstances, and almost impossible while conducting a serious conversation.
    “I should’ve known,” she said. “This is all it ever comes down to, isn’t it?”
    The condom was only halfway on, and I could feel the opportunity slipping away. I tried to save it with a speech, telling her that
sex between two people who liked and respected each other was a natural and beautiful thing, a cause for celebration, and certainly nothing for anyone to be ashamed of, but by the time I got to that part the whole issue was moot anyway. I watched her blank gaze travel down to the deflated balloon dangling between my legs and then back up to my face.
    “There,” I told her. “You happy now?”

slices are ready
    The phone rang a few minutes after ten. I hesitated, thinking it was probably Cindy, but then picked up anyway. Those were the days just before answering machines really caught on, and if you were curious you didn’t really have a choice.
    “Get your coat on,” Matt barked in my ear. “I’ll meet you at Naples in ten minutes.”
    “What?”
    “You heard me.”
    “I can’t.”
    “Whaddaya mean, you can’t?”
    “I told you. I’ve got a date with George Eliot.”
    “Fuck George Eliot.”
    “I’ll be lucky to get to second base.”
    “Ha ha.”
    “Seriously, I’m supposed to read up to page six eighty-seven.”
    “So?”
    “Right now I’m on page two seventy-two.”
    “See? You’re halfway there. Just skim the rest over breakfast.”
    “Sure,” I said. “What the hell. It’s either that or the Cheerios box.”
    Matt sighed to let me know how badly I was disappointing him.
    “Listen,” he told me. “I don’t usually do this,