administrators, your child will need a plan for confronting bullies should the challenge arise. Sharing these three methods with yourchild at the start of the school year will help to prevent potential bullying later.
COACHING TIP
The longer bullying continues, the harder it is to stop. Confronting a bully the first time, with confidence, is one of the best ways to bring bullying to an end. Role playing with your child will help to prepare her should a confrontation arise .
1. Speak up. Bullies will continue to abuse and harass their victims until someone says, âThatâs enough!â Unless bullies are told to stop, they believe what they are doing is acceptable. Although speaking up against bullying behavior may be enough to stop it in some cases, be aware that this approach may not work in all situations (in which case your child can try methods 2 and 3).
2. Travel with a group. When kids travel as a group, bullies lose their courage, because a group means more people who might stand up and take action.
3. Ask for help. Talking to a friend or an adult about a bully can help to put a stop to the abuse. Teachers are more aware of bullies now than they have been in the past, so reinforce the idea that approaching a teacher for help is OK. If your child is shy, she could also express herself by writing a short note to the teacher, naming the bully and what she doesnât like about the way sheâs being treated.
âI was afraid to get on the bus, go to class, and walk down the halls. Text messages and voice mails kept coming. The worst part was I didnât know who the bully was. I didnât want to tell anyone because I thought it would get worse. I finally decided I didnât want to live like that anymore. I went to a teacher and asked for help. My life gotbetter after that. The bullying stopped and I felt safe going to school again.â
â
Sam, sixth grader, San Francisco, CA
Cyberbullying: the online bully
Cyberbullyingâusing electronics like cell phones and computers to harass and intimidateâhas become the preferred method for many bullies in middle school (and even in high school). Hiding behind the cover of a friendâs cell phone or an anonymous internet connection, bullies can threaten their victims with less fear of getting caught.
COACHING TIP
In most bullying cases, kids donât want to tell an adult for fear that the abuse will increase when the bully is identified. Like victims in most abuse situations, bullied kids may also feel responsible for somehow encouraging a bullyâs abusive behavior .
So how do you help your child deal with a cyberbully? During your next family meeting or weekly check-in (see chapter 6 for more information), bring the topic of internet safety to the table. You may be surprised by the wealth of information and suggestions your child has when it comes to staying safe online. Before sharing your own thoughts, ask your child for a few of his. Among the ideas you list on your familyâs plan for online safety, consider the following. MySpace and Facebook have become common additions to many middle schoolersâ social lives. If your child uses websites like MySpace or Facebook, consider keeping his profile of personal information private. Chapter 5 takes a detailed look at both services and specific actions you can take to limit the sharing of personal information. Email is becoming less common among teen and tweens, but if your child still uses it, a shared family email address can dramatically reduce the possibility of bullying messages reaching your child. Sharing access to thisaccount allows parents to monitor for any potentially threatening messages.
As email becomes less popular with todayâs generation of kids, their use of cell phones seems to increase. Cell phone use and abuse can be more difficult to monitor than the family email account; however, limiting incoming and outgoing calls to a pre-selected set of phone