Inherent Vice Read Online Free PDF Page B

you say that was, exactly, in the sequence of events? ”
    “ I told you, the first time I ever saw him, is he was dead. ”
    “ His associates, then. How many of them were you already acquainted with? ”
    “ Not normally guys I ’ d hang with, totally wrong drug profile, too many reds, too much speed. ”
    “ Potheads, you ’ re so exclusive. Would you say you took offense at Glen ’ s preference for barbiturates and amphetamines? ”
    “ Yeah, I was planning to report him to the Dope Fiend Standards and Ethics Committee. ”
    “ Yes, now your ex-girlfriend Shasta Fay Hepworth is a known inti mate of Glen ’ s employer, Mickey Wolfmann. Do you think Glen and Shasta were ... you know ... ” He made a loose fist and slid the middle finger of his other hand back and forth in it for what seemed to Doc way too long. “ How did that make you feel, here you are still carrying the torch, and there she is in the company of all those Nazi lowlifes? ”
    “ Do that some more Bigfoot, I think I ’ m gettin a hardon. ”
    “ Tough little wop monkey, as my man Fatso Judson always sez. ”
    “ Case you forgot, Lieutenant, you and me are almost in the same business, except I don ’ t get that free pass to shoot people all the time and so forth. But if it was me over there in your seat, I guess I ’ d be acting the same way, maybe start in next with remarks about my mother. Or I guess your mother, because you ’ d be me.... Have I got that right? ”
    It wasn ’ t till the middle of rush hour that they let Doc call his law yer, Sauncho Smilax. Actually Sauncho worked for a maritime law firm over at the Marina called Hardy, Gridley, and Chatfield, and his resume fell a little short in the criminal area. He and Doc had met by accident one night at the Food Giant up on Sepulveda. Sauncho, then a novice doper who ’ d just learned about removing seeds and stems, was about to buy a flour sifter when he flashed that the people at the checkout would all know what he wanted the sifter for and call the police. He went into a kind of paranoid freeze, which was when Doc, having an attack of midnight chocolate deficiency, came zooming out of a snack-food aisle and crashed his cart into Sauncho ’ s.
    With the collision, legal reflexes reawakened. “ Hey, would it be okay if I put this sifter in with your stuff there, like, for a cover? ”
    “ Sure, ” Doc said, “ but if you’re gonna be paranoid, how about all this chocolate, man ... ? ”
    “ Oh. Then ... maybe we ’ d better put in a few more, you know, like, innocent-looking items.. .. ”
    By the time they got to the checkout, they had somehow acquired an extra hundred dollars ’ worth of goods, including half a dozen obligatory boxes of cake mix, a gallon of guacamole and several giant sacks of tortilla chips, a case of store-brand boysenberry soda, most of what was in the Sara Lee frozen-dessert case, lightbulbs and laundry detergent for straight-world cred, and, after what seemed like hours in the International Section, a variety of shrink-wrapped Japanese pickles that looked cool. At some point in this, Sauncho mentioned that he was a lawyer.
    “ Far out. People are always telling me I need a criminal lawyer, ’ which, nothing personal, understand, but— ”
    “ Actually I ’ m a marine lawyer. ”
    Doc thought about this. “ You ’ re ... a Marine who practices law? No, wait—you ’ re a lawyer who only represents Marines ... ”
    In the course of getting this all straight, Doc also learned that Saun cho was just out of law school at SC and, like many ex-collegians unable to let go of the old fraternity life, living at the beach—not far from Doc, as a matter of fact.
    “ Maybe you better give me your card, ” Doc said. “ Can ’ t ever tell. Boat hassles, oil spills, something. ”
    Sauncho never officially went on retainer, but after a few late-night panic calls from Doc he did begin to reveal an unexpected talent for dealing with bail bondsmen