where everyone was adapting to new ways, there was a lot of improvisation. It was working okay for them so far, but Hayden didn’t want to curse their chances.
Hayden stepped back and watched as the flames pummelled out of the pile of bodies. He looked at the faces of the dead go up in smoke. If he closed his eyes, he could trick himself that the crackling and bursting of the skin were just logs on an open fire. That the smell of burning meat was nothing more than sausages and burgers at a barbecue.
But he could never fool himself for long.
He stepped further back from the bodies, all of which he’d spent the morning dragging down here away from the bunker himself. He thought about what Clarice had said to him. All that crap about him not being there for her when she really needed him. At first, he’d found it a bit unappreciative considering he’d just saved her life. But was she right? Was he only here for her now because of the guilt he felt for letting her and their parents down in the past?
No. Of course he wasn’t. Of course that wasn’t true.
But a part of it, just a small part of it, ignited a spark of recognition deep inside Hayden.
“Not still moping, are you?”
Hayden swung around. “Shit,” he said. “You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that.”
Sarah smiled. She stretched some torn leather gloves over her hands and rubbed them as the fire of bodies raged in front of them. “I dunno. It’s pretty funny. And fun doesn’t come cheap these days.”
They stood next to one another in the warmth of the fire. Hayden felt wrong just stood here. Warming himself up in the decaying, burning corpses of innocent people—people who had been living normal lives just over a week ago. Men. Women. Children. Dads. Mums. Grandparents.
“Strange, isn’t it,” Sarah said.
“What is?”
She rubbed her hands. “It’s kind of like a twisted circle of life. From fully fleshed people to nothing but disease-ridden fuel to give the fortunate us a bit of temporary warmth. Have you spoken to Clarice?”
Sarah’s question threw Hayden off. He started to turn around.
“Wait,” Sarah said. “Just … just wait. We’re grown adults. We can have a civil discussion that doesn’t involve adolescent foot-stomping.”
Hayden felt like answering her back or mimicking her, but he didn’t want to prove her right from the off.
“She cares about you. Your sister. She’s very grateful you’re here for her. That you’re helping keep her safe.”
“With no thanks to you,” Hayden said.
“We went out to clear the bodies because that’s what Clarice wanted to do. I wasn’t sure, but she was eager to help out.”
“Then why didn’t you try and stop her?”
“Because it’s not my duty to stop her, Hayden. And it isn’t your duty to stop her either. She’s a twenty-year-old adult. A grown up, just like us. And she can make her own decisions. Sounds like she’s been forced into being tough for a while now, too.”
“Thanks for that. Just sprinkle a little more salt in the wound on a topic you have no idea about, will you?”
“I’m not trying to tell you how to look after your own sister. I’m not telling you how to go about your lives. But I am telling you that you have to loosen your grip. Because she just wants to help. She wants to contribute. She wants to be a part of what we’ve got going on here instead of some … some charity case.”
Hayden covered his mouth with his sleeve as the fumes of the burning bodies got stronger. Branches of trees whistled and danced in the wind, and every few seconds, Hayden swore he saw movement beyond them. “You saw how she was. She needed saving and bailing out right away. She’s … she’s not tough like you.”
“None of us are tough. I remember when we first picked you up. Vividly remember the stench of piss coming from you, the tears in your eyes. And we’re all the same. We’re all just scared little kids who’ve woken up in a horrible new
Hayden stepped back and watched as the flames pummelled out of the pile of bodies. He looked at the faces of the dead go up in smoke. If he closed his eyes, he could trick himself that the crackling and bursting of the skin were just logs on an open fire. That the smell of burning meat was nothing more than sausages and burgers at a barbecue.
But he could never fool himself for long.
He stepped further back from the bodies, all of which he’d spent the morning dragging down here away from the bunker himself. He thought about what Clarice had said to him. All that crap about him not being there for her when she really needed him. At first, he’d found it a bit unappreciative considering he’d just saved her life. But was she right? Was he only here for her now because of the guilt he felt for letting her and their parents down in the past?
No. Of course he wasn’t. Of course that wasn’t true.
But a part of it, just a small part of it, ignited a spark of recognition deep inside Hayden.
“Not still moping, are you?”
Hayden swung around. “Shit,” he said. “You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that.”
Sarah smiled. She stretched some torn leather gloves over her hands and rubbed them as the fire of bodies raged in front of them. “I dunno. It’s pretty funny. And fun doesn’t come cheap these days.”
They stood next to one another in the warmth of the fire. Hayden felt wrong just stood here. Warming himself up in the decaying, burning corpses of innocent people—people who had been living normal lives just over a week ago. Men. Women. Children. Dads. Mums. Grandparents.
“Strange, isn’t it,” Sarah said.
“What is?”
She rubbed her hands. “It’s kind of like a twisted circle of life. From fully fleshed people to nothing but disease-ridden fuel to give the fortunate us a bit of temporary warmth. Have you spoken to Clarice?”
Sarah’s question threw Hayden off. He started to turn around.
“Wait,” Sarah said. “Just … just wait. We’re grown adults. We can have a civil discussion that doesn’t involve adolescent foot-stomping.”
Hayden felt like answering her back or mimicking her, but he didn’t want to prove her right from the off.
“She cares about you. Your sister. She’s very grateful you’re here for her. That you’re helping keep her safe.”
“With no thanks to you,” Hayden said.
“We went out to clear the bodies because that’s what Clarice wanted to do. I wasn’t sure, but she was eager to help out.”
“Then why didn’t you try and stop her?”
“Because it’s not my duty to stop her, Hayden. And it isn’t your duty to stop her either. She’s a twenty-year-old adult. A grown up, just like us. And she can make her own decisions. Sounds like she’s been forced into being tough for a while now, too.”
“Thanks for that. Just sprinkle a little more salt in the wound on a topic you have no idea about, will you?”
“I’m not trying to tell you how to look after your own sister. I’m not telling you how to go about your lives. But I am telling you that you have to loosen your grip. Because she just wants to help. She wants to contribute. She wants to be a part of what we’ve got going on here instead of some … some charity case.”
Hayden covered his mouth with his sleeve as the fumes of the burning bodies got stronger. Branches of trees whistled and danced in the wind, and every few seconds, Hayden swore he saw movement beyond them. “You saw how she was. She needed saving and bailing out right away. She’s … she’s not tough like you.”
“None of us are tough. I remember when we first picked you up. Vividly remember the stench of piss coming from you, the tears in your eyes. And we’re all the same. We’re all just scared little kids who’ve woken up in a horrible new
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