In All Places (Stripling Warrior) Read Online Free PDF Page B

them.
    “You know I can offer you only friendship,” I said through a tightness in my throat, feeling that I had somehow misled him. We had never spoken of his feelings for me, though we had both been aware of them for a long time.
    “I know,” he said. “I only want you to be happy. I hope you can find the peace you need.”
    He looked at me for a moment more, then let his hand drop and followed his best friend away from me. When they were gone, I turned and walked slowly into the overgrown yard. I wondered who had lived in the tiny hut that sat there. A war widow? A mother with children? An old man? Everyone had a story, a life, and everyone’s life came with problems and worries, joys and love.
    I knelt in the dirt among the plants and flowers. God watered these flowers and gave them nourishment from the earth, and He would provide nourishment for me. I bowed my head, as the flowers did each night, and I began to speak the worries of my heart. I began to pour out my soul in my prayer to God.
    I had always thought I had faith. Could I have gone into battle, a weak little girl, if I had no faith? This problem, however, was so much bigger than my faith. In battle I could rely on my training and even my experience. I could sling my stones, brandish my knife, and wield my sword. I could act. But in this problem I could see no path forward. I did not know what actions to take.
    I explained this to God, and I did not ask him for anything save peace to my soul. There was so little food in Cumeni, but in truth, I wasn’t sure there was an answer to that problem, at least not one that was in my power to fix. It was not my responsibility to fix it all. The answer to that would come through the proper channel, which was Captain Helaman. When I realized this, I felt calmer. The burden I felt lifted from my shoulders when I recognized it was not mine to carry.
    I already knelt motionless in the soil while the plants and long grasses swayed in the soft breeze around me, but I stilled inside and listened for the promptings and instructions and peace of the Spirit. When I felt a calmness that edged out my fears, I knew that God would provide for us and determined to spend no more of my energy on worry.
    I moved on to the subject that had been perplexing me since the da y I had stumbled upon the obsidian in Melek, the day God had placed Gideon in my path.
    In my mind, I could see Gideon standing there as he had that first day , sword in hand, his complete attention on me. He had teased me, something I had since come to know was not typical for him. I saw every feature, every expression of his that I had memorized since then. Why did I have such feelings for him when I was supposed to love Zeke?
    Zeke was the eldest son of my mother’s best and dearest friend. They had looked forward to my marriage to him from the moment I was born. I thought of Hemni and my brothers and Zeke’s family. I was betraying them all, and I could not stop it.
    I thought of that moment after the Lamanites had retreated when Gideon had pulled me roughly to him, of the sheer relief that we had both survived such a terrible battle, and for the briefest of seconds I let myself wish again what I had wished in the next moment—that Zeke had not been there.
    I wept for that. I choked on my traitorous feelings. I said I was sorry, but I received no response. I did not even receive a peaceful feeling. My mind was not at ease and was still churning with questions. Finally , disappointed, I ceased my prayer and bent forward until my head touched the ground. I had wanted and expected a distinctive answer, and I had received none.
    As I lay there in the stillness , I noticed the sound of the little stream. I sniffed and turned my ear to hear it better.
    The scriptures compared God’s love to water, his word to food. I let my mind wander through those thoughts until I found myself thinking that after we took Manti, I wanted to go home. And though I did not see my path