In A Universe Without Stars 1: Skyeater Read Online Free PDF

he
wants to see the stars for one last time.
     
    …
     
    Cole
sits on a bench at a beach in Malibu, a nice secluded area. The sun’s just set,
the orange fringes simmering just slightly off the dark blue coast. The stars
start to peek on the dark blue that blankets the sky.
    Cole
envies the stars, up in space, free to sparkle without troubles or fears and to
give heat to the planets that surround them, yet far enough away to not heed
the problems of the people who worship them. Stars are free. Maybe when
he dies he can join them. But even then that would be too much, he just wants
it to end, to be done with all his problems and his failure of a life.
    He
thinks of everybody who’s died because of him, because of his failure to become
a man and save them and how he has nothing left anymore. He has no more wife to
provide him love, no hobby to keep him from his dark prickling thoughts,
nothing to stop him from killing himself.
    Cole
cries, he feels the deep emptiness inside him, the hopelessness, the darkness he tries to run away from, the darkness he’s
tried to push away from, the darkness he’s tried to work out of himself.
    The
darkness he lied to himself about. He needs to escape it, even if it means
death.
    “Cole?”
A woman walks up and sits next to him.
    “Erin?”
Cole says.
    It’s
Erin, how did she find him here?
     “What
are you doing here?” Cole asks.
    “Julio
called me. He said he missed your calls, he’s out of town and told me to come
find you here.”
    “I’m
that predictable.” He tries to wipe away the tears, he doesn’t want her to see
him this way.
    “If
you have a problem why didn’t you come to me?”
    “I
don’t have a problem.”
    “Cole,
you’re a grown man sitting on a bench crying in the middle of nowhere. You have
a problem and you need to tell people about things. Just because I’m a friend
of Thora does not mean I’m not a friend to you.”
    She
puts her hand on his and looks into his eyes. Hers show worry, she’s afraid for
him.
    The
darkness suddenly creeps back, it went away when Erin showed up. But
socializing only pushes it so far away. He exhales and cries again. Why can’t
he escape it, why does everybody he loves leave him?
    “I’m
scared,” he mutters in tears. “I’m scared everyone will leave me. I’m scared
that everything I do is for nothing. I’m scared that all of my fears are coming
true. I couldn’t save them. Not a single one. I’m so alone. I’m so fucking
scared.”
    Erin
grabs hold of him and he cries in her arms.
    “I’m
alone…” he cries. “I’m so alone.”
    “It’s
going to be okay, you’re not alone, you have me and
Julio. It’s going to be okay.”
    She
repeats those words in his ears as he continues to cry. It’s going to be
okay.
    Thanks
Erin, for everything, no matter how pointless this is. But he knows nothing
inside him. No matter what he attempts to place there, whether it’s the gym or
a love, it’s all a lie, it’s all useless. He is tired of trying to find a
meaning. There is no god. There is only darkness.
    No
matter how many friends he gets, no matter how many people love him, it’s still
not enough to pierce the loneliness in his heart, the emptiness. The universe
worth of darkness and the loneliness of the stars.
     
    It
is hours later at eleven. An hour before the day he discovers his powers. Cole
cleans up his room. He folds up his clean clothes and throws away the dirty
ones. There is no need for them anymore, nobody is going to want to go through
them.
    Even
though Erin calmed him, it just soothed his thoughts and cleared his mind. Cole
knows now that he wants to do this. He has no regrets or self-doubts about it,
he just hopes that whoever finds his body won’t go through that much trouble.
    His
bed is made and his suicide note is on the nightstand, divorce papers are in
the drawer. He left Thora with everything and gave Julio and Erin something’s
they mentioned they liked.
    He
pulls a full pill