Illicit Canvas: political romance and stand alone romance Read Online Free PDF Page B

this shouldn’t bother   me. These days pensioners are marrying twenty-year-olds and mature women have toy boys. It’s not shocking anymore. Where does it say that I can’t go out with an older guy?
    “Twenty years, wow, yeah, that’s a bit of a surprise.”
    “Actually, I don’t really know how old he is. I didn’t ask him about his age.”
    There is an awkward silence that stretches for a few minutes and I don’t know what to do or say. I can’t read anything from Maja’s expression. She isn’t the type that judges people, but we both know that I have Colin and he is important to me.
    “So what do you think?” I add.
    “Arwen, what do you want me to say? You know that I have no experience with men. I guess you have to follow your gut.”
    “Well, I need your opinion. The guy is probably off limits anyway, but the attraction is sizzling. I couldn’t think straight in the coffee shop. It’s like my head was in a bubble, but when I’m with Colin, it’s so….”
    “Not hot?”
    I nod again, feeling stupid and hiding my face in my hands. How can I build a stable relationship with anyone after what I’ve done to myself? The meds are helping me, but every day is a constant battle with memories. Years ago, I was numb, never feeling the way others felt, always in the darkness. Maybe I was this way because I never experienced the real thing.
      Maja places her hands on my shoulders, distracting me from my thoughts.
    “I can’t tell you what to do, but if you want to find the painting, then I suggest you go. What’s the worst that can happen?”
    “I guess you’re right. He’s probably happily married with a bunch of kids.”
    “Don’t be so negative. You don’t know anything about this guy,” she mutters, pushing me back to my bedroom. “I want to know all the details tomorrow.”
    After assuring Maja that I’d let her know how everything went, I lock myself in the bedroom and look under the bed. I pull out my secret canvas and unwrap the paper carefully. My hands are slightly shaky. The last time I looked at it, I was back in Saint-Malo. Ethan would want to see it, but I don’t know if I’m ready to show it to him.
    Two hours later, I grab a snack, being too nervous to actually have a proper dinner before I see him. My meeting with Ethan is at seven, in about an hour and a half. In my wardrobe I search for something that I can wear tonight. I remind myself that it’s not a date and I don’t have to make an effort. This evening is about me and my past. He won’t want me once he discovers everything. Ethan won’t magically fix me.
    I pick up a dark blue vintage dress that fits perfectly, exposing my tattoo. It’s a medium-size red rose that I asked for on my eighteenth birthday. My mother went crazy when I came home with the big bandage patch on my arm. She didn’t approve, but I’d dreamed of getting one since I turned fifteen.
      My hair is naturally straight, so I don’t have to do anything with it. I put on more makeup, not too much, and walk back to the living room. Maja is back on the floor, but she lifts her head when I come out.
      “Wow, you look amazing. I bet that he’ll turn out to be one of these rich guys that’s searching for a trophy wife. He will take you to his private jet and I’ll never see you again.”
    I roll my eyes and put some stuff into my small yellow bag.
    “I think you read too many Danielle Steel books.”
    “What can I say? I like her writing style.” She chuckles.
      “Don’t you think this is too much?”
    She doesn’t answer, because we both hear my phone ringing. I don’t even need to look because I know it’s Ethan, waiting for me downstairs.  

Chapter Five
     

Arwen
     
    “You look beautiful, but be careful. You don’t know him at all,” Maja says, sounding serious.
    My own mother would have probably said the same thing. She wouldn’t approve of my dating him, but I don’t know why I’m even thinking about it. It’s not a date,