If Only We Read Online Free PDF

rest of our classmates couldn't care less.”
    I put my arm around her shoulder. “At least you’ll have pictures.”
    She smiles. “I guess so.”
    My mom looks at her watch and sighs. “Your father will just have to see you afterward. You both need to be in your places soon. Put on your cap and gown. We should head inside.”
    I pull the gown on over my head. She sets the cap on straight, making sure not to mess up my hair. There's no way she would let me be on display without being perfect. “Okay.” Then she holds up her finger. “Hold on, let me take a picture!” Lyndsay and I give each other a look.
    As we walk into the auditorium, I spot all of my classmates with their families. I never thought I'd be seeing most of them again. Very few choose to stay in this small town; most move on to bigger things, or at least, anywhere but here. I see Chevy in the distance and my heart skips a beat. It’s strange how little control you have over your reactions when placed in certain situations. He looks so handsome in his dress shirt and tie. I had almost forgotten how much I…
    My thought trails off when I see his family…including his father.
    I have to look away. It's almost too much to handle at this point. Too surreal. He's still alive. Not just that, but I have realized that I overlooked something more important than making amends.
    I can save a life.
    Forget panic attacks, I am about to pass out in the middle of this auditorium.
    Lyndsay notices the change and asks, “Hey, are you okay? You seem a little pale.”
    I nod. “Yeah. Just need to get a little bit of water in me.” This is overwhelming. I doubt a little bit of water will help but I’ll try. “Mom, I’m going to get a drink of water and find my spot. I’ll see you after the ceremony.”
    “Okay, dear.” She gives me a kiss on the forehead. “Don’t drink too much. You don’t need to be getting up in the middle of it. The ceremony lasts a long time.”
    Yes, I remember. “Okay, Mom.” Lyndsay and I walk down the hall to the drinking fountain.
    After I take a quick sip, she asks, “Are you nervous?”
    “No. Why would I be?”
    She shakes her head. “I don’t know. You almost seemed like you saw a ghost back there.”
    My body involuntarily freezes at the accuracy of her statement. For a second, I almost believe that she knows. She does know me well. You don’t spend years with somebody without being able to tell when something is off.
    “My mind is just playing tricks on me, that’s all,” I reply. I keep saying that. Part of me wishes my mind were just playing a trick on me. That this was all just a dream. That I don't have to relive that moment. The one moment. That moment that I made the choice to tell Chevy my feelings. The piece that started the domino effect.
    I shake off my nerves and say, “Come on,” as I grab her by the arm and lead us back to the auditorium. There's no point in standing around thinking about the past. I have nothing but my future ahead of me. Even if it is possibly happening again. “Let’s graduate.”

Chapter Five
    Saturday afternoon, June 2 nd

    It almost does seem like a dream when I'm getting my diploma and moving that tassel for the second time. A calm comes over me during the speech and while waiting in line to cross the stage. However, once the ceremony is over a wave of unease overcomes me. I know what is supposed to be next. I know who will be coming. I know what will happen. I don’t want to face that again.
    Facing him then was hard enough. What came after was almost worse…
    Him, saying something to the effect of “talk to you later.” Me, nodding, although I barely register his words. All I can see is him…walking away. All I can think is…he’s gone.
    Back then, I couldn’t cry, but thinking about it now causes me to tear up. I will myself to hold them in. Sure, it’s graduation day and I should be crying tears of mixed emotions. I want to act as though everything is normal.