If I Let You Go Read Online Free PDF

exhausted, my mind wouldn’t let me rest. It kept spewing up little bits of the argument I’d had with Dominic, interspersed with flashes of me tearing at his clothes and him kissing me.
    I was glad when morning arrived.
    On a normal day, I’d have slung my dressing gown over my pyjamas to go to the kitchen, but it was far from a normal day, so I got dressed in my jeans and a blue halter neck, and pulled my light brown hair into a loose ponytail that hung over my shoulder before going to get breakfast.
    Dominic and Tilly were chatting at the kitchen table. Well, Dominic was talking. Tilly answered half-heartedly while pretending to be busy eating her Coco Pops but she brightened when she saw me.
    “Maddi!”
    “Good morning, Tilly.”
    She was the only person in the world who I allowed to shorten my name. As a rule, I made it a point to correct anyone who attempted to call me “Maddi.” I always thought it made me sound … well … mad.
    I flicked the kettle on on my way to the table, then sat down beside Tilly, who had a chocolate milk moustache. I shook my head in amusement and glanced over at Dominic who gave me a slightly awkward smile.
    “Hi,” I said. “Did you sleep well?”
    “Not really. You?”
    “Same.”
    “Daddy. I don’t want to move to New York.”
    It was as if she’d been waiting for me to get up so she could get this discussion moving. Usually, if there was something upsetting Tilly, she’d never be the first to bring it up, preferring to hope it would go away on its own. The fact that she’d been the one to kick things off meant she was way more troubled by the move than I thought.
    “Finish your breakfast, sweetheart,” Dominic said. “We’re going to talk about that later.”
    “I don’t want to wait until later.”
    Determination filled her eyes. I would have been proud of her if I wasn’t so anxious about where this was leading.
    “I thought we could go to the zoo at Battersea first. Then out to lunch.”
    Tilly shook her head, her blonde hair flapping across her face. “No zoo. I want to talk now.”
    Dominic gave me a look that was somewhere between, ‘Help me, ’ and ‘ Did you teach my daughter this attitude?’
    For the record, I only taught her to stand up for things that were important to her, and not leaving London definitely fell into that category.
    “Maybe we should do this now,” I suggested. “Get it over with, then we can go out and do something fun.”
    “Okay,” Dominic said. “What did you want to say, Tilly?”
    While she began to explain, I quietly stepped away to make myself a coffee. I needed it badly after the night I’d had, and I felt less in the way once I’d left the table.
    “I don’t think we should go to New York because … well … it’s very far away and I don’t know anyone who lives there. What about my friends? I won’t be able to see Lucy and Ava and Lily anymore. And when we go, Madison won’t be able to see Erica.”
    I froze, mid stir.
    Again, Dominic glanced at me, and I shook my head. If he wanted the move, he could be the one to tell her the truth. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t mentioned that I wasn’t going with them. He probably thought Tilly could fill in the blanks, which of course, she couldn’t. Not at five years old.
    Dominic reached across the table for Tilly’s hand. “Madison isn’t coming with us.”
    Her face changed from determined, to confused. “But … she comes everywhere with us. She’s been on holiday with us, and she always comes when we go bowling, or skating or to the cinema. Why can’t she come to New York?”
    “Because it’s too far. It wouldn’t be fair of me to ask her to move so far away for us.”
    Madison switched her gaze to me. “Don’t you want to look after me anymore?”
    Her lower lip trembled, her eyes filling with tears. How much more uncomfortable was this going to get? If I told her I didn’t want to, I’d be lying. If I told her I wanted to keep taking care of