If I Break Read Online Free PDF

thing. Even though I’m upset with him, there’s still a sinking feeling in my stomach that he’s leaving.
    “What time is he going to be there?” I hear him ask.
    “Around seven-thirty. That’s two hours, your time,” I hear a voice boom through the speaker.
    “I’ll call you when I’m there,” Cal answers. He sits down on his bed and begins putting on his shoes. I sit beside him quietly. I try to sense how mad he is at me.
    “The watch was waterproof,” I tell him dryly, trying to cover up my sincerity.
    “Would it matter to you if it wasn’t?” he asks, surveying my outfit—or lack thereof. I love how he asks me a question and disregards mine.
    “Maybe. Maybe I overreacted a little,” I admit, watching him change out of his gym shoes to his black loafers. I pout that he’s ignoring me. I stand up and walk in front of him. He doesn’t bother to look up at me.
    “And that makes this time any different because?” he asks, unenthused.
    “How long are you going to be gone?” I ask, pushing myself between his thighs, purposefully ignoring his previous comment.
    “You’re going to miss me?” He asks but it’s a statement more than a question, he loosens the tie on my robe. I don’t answer, but look him in his eye, knowing they'll give away my answer. He slides the robe down my shoulders and pulls it off of me.
    “The next time you try to get out of apologizing,” his voice is low and deep in a way that causes my heart to beat faster. His eyes look from my body and into my eyes.
    “ This isn’t needed,” he says, unhooking my bra.
    “Who said I was apologizing?” I retort before he pulls me onto him.
    His lips crash against mine. I don’t fight his tongue for dominance, but allow him to have his way, freely exploring my mouth. I wrap my legs tightly around his waist as he frees me from my robe completely and drops it on the floor. I unbutton his shirt, looking into his eyes. Sometimes, I swear he can read my mind.
    Hopefully he can see in my eyes what I can’t bring myself to say to him. At the very least I know the longer he makes love to me, the longer it will be before he leaves, and I try to take solace in it.
    ***
    Here I am again for the second time today, with nothing but a cool sheet covering my body. The space Cal previously rested in is cool. He’s getting dressed after his shower, and I know in the next hour I’ll be alone again. This is how it usually goes, physically; he has no boundaries with me and none of my needs go unmet, but anything beyond that is a no man’s land that I can’t seem to get past, even a foot. He goes from attentive, responsive, and connected to withdrawn, distant, and aloof; and I wonder why me ?
    Any nameless woman could fulfill this need of his. He won’t let me be there for him in any other way except sexually. It’s starting to get harder to see the difference between being his wife and a favored high-class escort.
    “I’ll be back tomorrow...or more likely Thursday,” he states quietly. I glance at him and turn the opposite way from him. I can’t believe how upset I still get; this is routine, after all. I fight back my tears. He doesn’t deserve them. He sits down beside me.
    “What’s wrong?” he asks sincerity intermingled with sarcasm. I sigh.
    “I don’t know, Cal. What is wrong?” I ask him sarcastically.
    “What’s the matter? It’s not like you’re going to miss me.” He’s kissing my shoulders with the same lips that once could make me forgive him for anything.
    “I know, but I’ll miss you. Just a little,” he adds the last part playfully. I watch him put his coat on and grab his overnight bag. I could practically narrate this scene from memory.
    “Come walk me to the door,” He says, heading out of the bedroom. I start to pull the sheet around my body.
    “Leave the sheet. Please,” He smiles with a twinkle in his eye that I've missed. I feel myself start to blush, but I comply. I walk through our bedroom door as