I Have the Right to Destroy Myself Read Online Free PDF Page B

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He pays and goes into a phone booth. He dials slowly. Nobody answers. Not Se-yeon, not C—nobody answers his calls. The world doubles again. K yanks the Chupa Chups from his
mouth and flings it outside the phone booth. He weaves over to his car and sits in the driver's seat. Snow is gathering on his windshield. He turns on the engine and the radio. The weather reporter is saying that mountain villages are stranded because of the snowstorm in Yeongdong and Yeongseo, and the Taebaek and Jungang Railway Lines are out of service. They read names of people missing in a landslide. Some places don't have electricity or telephone service; schools are being closed. K shifts into first gear and steps on the gas. He hears the whirring noise of the wheels turning in vain, then the Stella TX starts to move.

    "We're almost out of gas," C says.
    "I want to go to the North Pole. They say there's only snow and ice—all white. And polar bears wander around and strong winds blow up to thirty meters per second. In the summer, it's always bright out and the North Pole itself is always floating around on the ocean. Isn't that cool? And sometimes the ice cracks and sinks."
    "I'm not kidding. We're stranded," C insists. "It's going to keep snowing and the roads are blocked. We have to go now if we want to live."
    "I think all guys are just nervous when they have to stay in one place. I mean, even when they drink they like to go from bar to bar. Why bother leaving? I like it here. It's cozy, like a grave. Have you ever been inside a coffin? When I was in middle school we went on a church field trip and we were all supposed to take turns lying in a coffin. And then we
had to talk about what that was like. I think they wanted us to experience death early to make us believe in Jesus more. What do you think I said afterward? I said it was so comfortable. And it really was so cozy that I didn't want to leave. I think a nun asked me if I was scared that I would go to hell. I don't think there is such a thing. But I do want to go to the Arctic. I would like to be bored for eternity. And the North Pole, it doesn't even move."

    "There is no North Pole. Didn't you say that the whole thing is a block of ice that floats around on the ocean? If nobody else can find it, you won't get there, either."
    The engine shuts off. The lights blink, then fade away. The white LCD of the radio disappears. Only the red anti-theft light blinks periodically. Everything turns pitch-black, like in a blackout drill. It becomes completely quiet. Neither C nor Judith says a word. The cold starts to crawl toward them, like an army of white ants.
    "Let's go," C suggests.
    "Not yet."
    "When?"
    "I want to stay a little longer. Hey, do you want to have sex?"
    He hears her skirt go down, rustling. Judith pulls his shoulders toward her. He climbs over the emergency brake, squeezing next to her. He settles into the passenger seat and she straddles him, facing out. Holding her from behind, he starts having slow, tedious sex with her. Sometimes her head bumps the ceiling and snow falls off the windshield,
but they still can't see anything. A quiz show plays on the radio, which is still working even though the car is turned off. The first caller says the answer is Antonio Banderas. The DJ perkily says it's the wrong answer. He tells the caller that he'll still give him a bookstore gift certificate, and the guy is thrilled. The second caller guesses Leonardo Di-Caprio. The DJ screams that it's the correct answer, clapping. The prize is a CD player. The winner says she'll give it to her sister as a wedding present.

    "Why aren't you coming?" Judith asks, at the end of a long, dull thrust. C remembers he's having sex with her.
    "I'm not turned on."
    "Then try choking me. That'll turn you on."
    C starts to pump away again, choking her. He hears her strain for breath a few times, and he becomes nervous, worrying that she might die. He comes quickly. She coughs a few