I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends Read Online Free PDF Page B
Author: Courtney Robertson
the hottie with the body!” He called me but said he had a girlfriend and the note got him in big trouble. I told him when they were over to get back to me. I may have become a guy magnet that summer, but I certainly was no home wrecker.
Once I mastered the art of the BJ, I was ready for actual sex. The weekend before senior year started, I found the perfect guy to deflower me at a pool party. Jono was a year older and worked at Costco. His mom died when he was younger, he was estranged from his dad, and he lived with a classmate’s family. Jono was shy, quiet, and kind of sad and mysterious. I’d never seen him out before this night. Thinking he’d be gentle and discreet, I made him my mark. After everyone went inside, I asked him if he wanted to go swimming.
“I don’t have a swimsuit,” he said.
“Let’s go skinny-dipping,” I answered bravely without really thinking it through carefully.
Number one: I was still very self-conscious about my flat chest.
Number two: I had an absolutely gigantic bush. Nobody ever told me or taught me how to shave down there.
Luckily, Jono didn’t notice or care. We peeled off our clothes, me covering my nonexistent boobs, and got in the pool naked.
“Hey, I’ve always had a crush on you,” I purred.
“Really? I’ve never seen you before,” he deadpanned.
Before I could get insulted, he pushed me up against the side of the pool and started making out with me. Then he fingered me. I think. Nobody had ever done it to me before so I wasn’t sure what was happening. After that, there was some bouncing up and down. Whatever was happening felt good but I stopped him.
We exchanged numbers and after he left I went inside to dish with my girlfriends.
“I think I just had sex!”
“You think?”
“What do you mean you think?”
“Are you sore?”
“Yeah?”
“Then you had sex!”
The drought was officially over. I was no longer a virgin. As senior year commenced, I skipped school about nineteen times to have afternoon delights with Jono between his shifts at Costco. At the same time, Chris had broken up with his girlfriend and we started dating, too, but not going all the way. He even got me a part-time job at Abercrombie and Fitch at the Fashion Square mall, where I folded a shit-ton of shirts and fought off our college-girl coworkers who tried to steal Chris away from me.
Jono was my sad-eyed fuck buddy, but I was totally infatuated with Chris. Chris wasn’t so infatuated with my relationship with Jono or my gigantic bush. After he put his hand down my pants during the movie Shrek, he made a stinkface, said “Whoa!” and requested that I tame the beast.
But Jono liked the big bush and didn’t want me to shave.
What was a girl to do?
I stole my dad’s razor, popped a fresh blade in, and did a hatchet job somewhere in the middle.
Though my dad was okay with Chris and dubbed him Cuddles after spotting him for the gazillionth time draped all over me on our couch watching movies, my mom did not like Chris and told me he was “shady.” In case you were wondering, my mom was still not talking to me about sex. She avoided the conversation at all costs and had a “no boys allowed in my room” policy. I think she assumed I was staying out of trouble, or just couldn’t bear to hear the truth. I knew she would murder me if she found out I was having sex.
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KEEPING IT REAL
Hey there Bachelor fans. I’ve asked my family, friends, and your favorite members of Bachelor Nation to offer up tips, tricks, advice on life, love, and reality TV! Be on the lookout for insider info, confessions, and blind items as my journey to love unfolds. Let’s kick it off with the woman whose advice means the most—my mom.
My Mom on Men
In addition to “men are scum,” Sherry Robertson has many more pearls of wisdom:
Never marry a man with an ass smaller than yours.
Never marry a guy who lets you pick up the check.
Never marry a man with a pageboy haircut.
Learn to love
Once I mastered the art of the BJ, I was ready for actual sex. The weekend before senior year started, I found the perfect guy to deflower me at a pool party. Jono was a year older and worked at Costco. His mom died when he was younger, he was estranged from his dad, and he lived with a classmate’s family. Jono was shy, quiet, and kind of sad and mysterious. I’d never seen him out before this night. Thinking he’d be gentle and discreet, I made him my mark. After everyone went inside, I asked him if he wanted to go swimming.
“I don’t have a swimsuit,” he said.
“Let’s go skinny-dipping,” I answered bravely without really thinking it through carefully.
Number one: I was still very self-conscious about my flat chest.
Number two: I had an absolutely gigantic bush. Nobody ever told me or taught me how to shave down there.
Luckily, Jono didn’t notice or care. We peeled off our clothes, me covering my nonexistent boobs, and got in the pool naked.
“Hey, I’ve always had a crush on you,” I purred.
“Really? I’ve never seen you before,” he deadpanned.
Before I could get insulted, he pushed me up against the side of the pool and started making out with me. Then he fingered me. I think. Nobody had ever done it to me before so I wasn’t sure what was happening. After that, there was some bouncing up and down. Whatever was happening felt good but I stopped him.
We exchanged numbers and after he left I went inside to dish with my girlfriends.
“I think I just had sex!”
“You think?”
“What do you mean you think?”
“Are you sore?”
“Yeah?”
“Then you had sex!”
The drought was officially over. I was no longer a virgin. As senior year commenced, I skipped school about nineteen times to have afternoon delights with Jono between his shifts at Costco. At the same time, Chris had broken up with his girlfriend and we started dating, too, but not going all the way. He even got me a part-time job at Abercrombie and Fitch at the Fashion Square mall, where I folded a shit-ton of shirts and fought off our college-girl coworkers who tried to steal Chris away from me.
Jono was my sad-eyed fuck buddy, but I was totally infatuated with Chris. Chris wasn’t so infatuated with my relationship with Jono or my gigantic bush. After he put his hand down my pants during the movie Shrek, he made a stinkface, said “Whoa!” and requested that I tame the beast.
But Jono liked the big bush and didn’t want me to shave.
What was a girl to do?
I stole my dad’s razor, popped a fresh blade in, and did a hatchet job somewhere in the middle.
Though my dad was okay with Chris and dubbed him Cuddles after spotting him for the gazillionth time draped all over me on our couch watching movies, my mom did not like Chris and told me he was “shady.” In case you were wondering, my mom was still not talking to me about sex. She avoided the conversation at all costs and had a “no boys allowed in my room” policy. I think she assumed I was staying out of trouble, or just couldn’t bear to hear the truth. I knew she would murder me if she found out I was having sex.
----
KEEPING IT REAL
Hey there Bachelor fans. I’ve asked my family, friends, and your favorite members of Bachelor Nation to offer up tips, tricks, advice on life, love, and reality TV! Be on the lookout for insider info, confessions, and blind items as my journey to love unfolds. Let’s kick it off with the woman whose advice means the most—my mom.
My Mom on Men
In addition to “men are scum,” Sherry Robertson has many more pearls of wisdom:
Never marry a man with an ass smaller than yours.
Never marry a guy who lets you pick up the check.
Never marry a man with a pageboy haircut.
Learn to love