I Can See in the Dark Read Online Free PDF

though they were dying. But the black man evinced no interest in me. He just sat wrapped in his own tormented thoughts, his gaze now fixed on his black leather boots. There was something so abject about him, something so wretched and hopeless that in the end I found myself feeling a crumb of sympathy for him, even though sympathy isn’t my strong point. Despite that, I was moved. A black giant, in combat kit, probably friendless, without home or family, unemployed, and with no rights of any sort. He’d come over here, and he’d been allowed to play table tennis as often as he wanted; that’s not much to celebrate. Not that I’m especially sympathetic, as I said, they only come over here to help themselves to what we’ve got.
    Suddenly he rose from the bench. I flinched slightly when that great bulk moved so quickly, because I was still thinking that he might decide to attack. He might fly at me without provocation, it was always happening, you read about it in the newspapers. The massive body moved away through the trees, walking with a heavy rolling gait, and almost immediately blended in with the leaves. I relaxed once more and followed him with my eyes. To be so big and strong, I thought, and so lonely and miserable. Maybe he was on his way to the Dixie Café to steal sweets.
    Then Arnfinn came tottering along the path.
    He must have encountered the black refugee from the Reception Centre, but he showed no sign of it, the alcoholic is indifferent to most things. He lurched over to his usual bench, sat down heavily and groped automatically in his windcheater for his silver hip flask. Remembering it was lost, he patted his other pocket, and took out a half-bottle. He put it to his lips and drank. I didn’t quite know why, but I approved of the simple life he appeared to lead: sleeping, drinking, pottering about in the park, without cares or responsibilities, other than finding enough to drink. While the rest of us toiled. While the rest of us paid taxes and dragged ourselves from one chore to the next, he sat on his bench drinking a half-bottle of vodka. While the world at large hummed along without him. His eyes were veiled with intoxication, but also with modesty and shame, I don’t want to be a burden to anybody, the eyes said, when I nodded affably in his direction. He also had the habit of tilting his head to one side, as if recalling an old memory, and then a smile would soften his ravaged features. He never addressed anyone from his bench. He never apologised, and he never asked for the smallest thing, neither did I for that matter, I minded my own business, as I believe we all should. He took time over his drink, enjoying every last drop. Each time he took a nip he closed his eyes, and the spirit coursed through his veins and warmed him. When the bottle was empty, he got up and left, went home to unconsciousness and oblivion. In all probability, he slept deeply and dreamlessly, and well into the following day. Presumably he missed his hip flask, which was now in my possession. Of course one day, when I was good and ready, I’d return it. But I was in no hurry.
    The sight of the man struggling in the water haunted me from hour to hour. Again and again, I saw the ice crack beneath his hands, I saw his arms working like the sails of a windmill, I heard the outraged screams of a man who had been big and strong, but was now in the clutches of death. How much life there is in a human being, I marvelled, how much strength, how much will to survive, how much fear for the end of existence and the great darkness. Each time the image projected itself on my inner eye, my pulse increased, but it was also a curse. It reminded me of who I was, someone on the outside of everything, a paltry observer of life. Sometimes, at night, the scene was in close-up, as if I were standing on the edge of the broken ice looking down at him. Then he would stare back at me with burning eyes. As whisperings filled the corners of the room,