I Am The Local Atheist Read Online Free PDF

loudly against the thickly varnished floors. I
sat down quickly as several people looked around to see what the
noise was. I hung my head low.
    After everyone
had shuffled their way in and found a seat, a trumpet call blasted
through speakers at the front of the stage. It was suddenly cut off
by an electric guitar playing some light-weight rip-off of an AC/DC
song joined by a full band which suddenly had the congregation
cheering and jiggling their bodies in their seats. A man in shirt
and jeans casually jogged before the crowd raising his hands high
and cheering with everyone. “Hallelujah!” Suddenly everyone was
cheering as well.
    I wondered why
I used to enjoy this crap. Did God really care that I was or wasn’t
making a song and dance about him?
    The music died
down and the man raised his hands before him as though offering an
armload of empty air to sacrifice. “We come here today Lord to
worship you, to bear our souls to you, give our time to you because
it is you that gives us such light that blesses us with life, it is
you that drenches us with love and teaches us the holy ways of our
saviour Jesus. We worship you because our love aches in these human
bodies to be transformed into your heavenly spirit…”
    I looked
around and found Lisa not so far ahead of me. She was swaying
backwards and forwards knocking into her friends whose swaying was
completely out of sync with everyone else.
    The pastor
clapped his hands together and the echo of it bounced around the
walls. “Who’s here with me!?” A loud cheer issued from the
congregation. “What? I didn’t hear anything. I said who’s here with
me!” A louder cheer issued forth. “Alright then! Anyone who’s not
can leave if they want…” He cut this off with a horrendous laugh as
though he had just made the best joke ever. I was about to get up
and leave, I seriously was. “No, I’m just kidding, hahaha. We want
you to stay, God has brought you here on this magnificent day so
that you can experience what the rest of us already know and love
about our Lord Jesus Christ, that He loves you and forgives
you.”
    There was a
moment of silence.
    “ Alright! I want to tell you something about people I’ve talked
to over the years, people who call themselves Christians. They go
to church yada yada yah, like the rest of us, but there’s something
about these people, something that doesn’t ring true; something
that makes my heart ache when I hear what they have to say to me.
Wanna know what they say?”
    He walked
around a bit before saying anything – classic ploy for tension
building and attention getting.
    “ I have these people come to me and tell me that their church
is boring and I say ‘why do you want to go to a boring church?’
Church should be exciting. ‘Why?’ they say astounded – because they
don’t know any better, this is what church has always been to them
– boring. ‘Why?’ I say – ‘because Jesus is exciting!’ Aren’t you
excited to know Jesus? Was Jesus ever cold and dispassionate? I ask
you now – Was Jesus ever cold and dispassionate?”
    The entire
congregation yelled out “No!”
    “ Then why should church be cold, boring and dispassionate? If
you know someone who complains about their church being cold and
boring, tell them that you know a place that is hot and exciting!
Hallelujah!”
    “ Hallelujah!” came the reply.
    “ And that place that is hot and exciting – it is here, right
here in your church, right here where you sit right now! Hell-lay-loo-ya! ”
    “ Hallelujah!” shouted back the crowd – I had stopped thinking
of them as a congregation. Their yelling had kind of put them in
the same class as a mob.
    “ Forget all those cold and dispassionate churches – I wanna be
somewhere I can feel the warmth of His love surrounding me…”
    I have to admit, it was getting kinda warm in there. Welcome to the fiery pits of hell – it begins
here, in your own church.
    I buried my
head in my arms. His