I Am Morgan le Fay Read Online Free PDF

especially bumping along in a wretched wagon, and I soon wearied of it, and of annoying my nurse and distressing my sister, and even of gawking at the strange lands through which we were toiling. A rift of jagged lavender between plain and sky occupied my attention for a while, but Nurse said it was distant tors, mountains, and we were not going there. All else remained the same. I am sure Nurse’s relief was great whenever I grew utterly bored and weary and went to sleep.
    It would seem that I was asleep when we reached Caer Avalon, for I remember nothing of it except awakening in a real bed in the morning.
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    The feast began that very morning.
    When Nurse led Morgause and me into the great hall, there was the fearsome red-flame-shining dragon flag hanging over the dais, and there lay Mother all gowned in gold satin on a wine red velvet chair such as I had never seen, almost a bed more than a chair, with a fat bald baby in her arms. Above her heavy gown and her necklace of ox-blood stones, her face seemed chalk white; maybe she was sick, and that was why she had to lie down. She put out one arm and hugged me to her and kissed me, and then she let me go and hugged Morgause the same way, but she did not put the baby away; she held him the whole time. “Morgan,” she said, her voice as soft as rose petals, “Morgause, you’ve grown. You’re almost young ladies now. Such pretty frocks, such pretty hair. You look lovely.”
    Morgause said, “Thank you, Mother.” I said nothing, only stared at the baby. His round, sleepy face looked almost as red as the velvet chair. He had a white lace dress on. He looked stupid.
    Mother bent over him, her pale face very thin compared with his fat one, and kissed him. “It’s your baby brother, Morgan,” she told me. “Isn’t he beautiful?”
    â€œNo.”
    Nurse tapped my head with her knuckles to reprove me. Morgause said, “He’s nice.”
    I felt the fire dragon burning in my chest. Mother should put that ugly baby away and take me in her lap and hold me and kiss me.
    Instead, she reached out and smoothed my hair, already escaping from its crown of braids to flop over my forehead.
    â€œCome,” Nurse said, leading us away. We did not get to sit near Mother. We sat at a table off to one side, with Nurse between me and Morgause, of course, to keep us from whispering and pinching each other. Uther Pendragon sat by Mother in a golden throne; I wondered whether he kept one here or if he had brought it with him from Caer Argent. I wondered why he was here at Avalon, not in his own court. Was this castle more grand than his? It seemed quite grand, with the vaulted rafters carved and gilded into all sorts of strange things: griffins, fierce winged women, fishtail horses, stars and crescent moons, huge lily flowers. All the tables, even ours, bore white linen cloths broidered with gold, upon which stood sconces of many candles. First I stared at the golden carvings overhead, then the candles, then the many people—lords and ladies they must have been—in finery that made my ruffled blue frock look very plain. Such jewels the ladies wore, although Mother’s rubies were the finest. I hoped I would be allowed to wear jewels before I grew too much older. I looked around for other children to see whether they wore finery or jewels, but except for that stupid baby I saw none. Only boring adults sat at my table; there was no one for me to talk with. I watched the candles drip.
    After a while a man in red blew a horn, and everyone got silent. Then a lord got up and said things. The edge of my chair was digging into my legs because my feet did not touch the floor. I swung them.
    â€œSit still,” Nurse whispered to me.
    It became a very long day.
    Once, we all got up and bowed to Uther Pendragon and he stood and said things in his snarly voice and I rubbed the backs of my legs with my hands. Then I had to sit again.