I Am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Life of Girls Around the World Read Online Free PDF

inflicted identities
and demeaning looks
I dance past the limited determinations of my
abilities and worth
I dance past your lustful eyes
Your dirty interpretations of my teenage body
I shake off the burqas and bindings
and corsets and diets
I shake off restrictions and illegitimate rules
I shake off your suffocating warnings
I dance to the heartbeat of life
I dance because girls are the ultimate survivors

Section II

I BUILD IT WITH STONE
    I make altars everywhere
I wear 16 bracelets on my arm
I write your name in red felt tip pen on my pillowcase
I wallpaper your posters above my bed
I engrave your initials on my closet door
I get to the stable
2
hours early so
I can brush your brown shiny coat 125 times
I run 6 more miles without stopping
I only wear sky-blue socks
I practice chords until my fingers cannot bend
I tattoo 56 stars on the right side of my face
I fast for Ramadan
I hand out every flyer for peace in Sudan
I memorize Hebrew
I memorize for the open slam
I collect 100 glass horses
I chant my mantra at dawn
I don’t step on the cracks
I don’t eat meat
I hold my breath when the light is red
I stay awake for 3 days
I learn anorexia
I do jump shots for 7 hours
I compulsively practice Latin
Latine loqui coactus sum
    I read every poem
I recite every word
I watch every film
I know your every move
I play your video and I memorize every step you make
I receive your tweets
I know your pain
I sing your songs
I make you presents out of twigs and shells and feathers
I put them at the foot of the stage
I scream when the lights come up
I call you and hang up 7 times
I know you can see my ID number
I am searching
for mother
for answers
for a reason
for tomorrow
for God
for Allah
for more
for less
for my teacher Mrs. Martin
for everything
for nothing
    I bow down
I pierce
I starve
I smoke marijuana
I go to church
I sing louder
I call your name
I stay in the water
I cut off my hair
I grow it long
I get on my knees
I build it with stone
Devoted.

GIRL FACTS
    When a group of children who were interviewed on
20/20
were asked if they’d rather be fat or lose an arm, they unanimously answered that they’d rather lose an arm.
    The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is twelve times as high as the death rate of
all causes
of death for females aged fifteen to twenty-four.

hunger blog
    BLOG 1
    i don’t really like celery. tastes like disappointment. egg whites taste like baby skin. learning to graze. used to watch cows. they move their mouth around the grass. hover, hang, munch a little, rest. don’t swallow too much.
    BLOG 2
    everyone’s mad at me. here’s a picture of my hips. bone jutting. love those two words: bone jutting. just right for jeans. sade, sexy music, and espresso help a lot. perfect combo. slow music and caffeine annihilate hunger.
    BLOG 3
    bad taste in my mouth. this girl jewel said i was sick in gym class. she’s jealous. last night i ate cooked vegetables naked in front of the mirror. it grossed me out so much i haven’t been hungry for almost 24 hrs.
    BLOG 4
    everything sucks. had to stay home from school. too tired. dad gave me a big lecture. said i wasn’t fooling anyone. tried to exercise. only got through a hundred sit-ups. watched tv. saw this program about hundreds of people in Africa forced to leave their land ’cause of war. they were drinking dirty water. everyone was so hungry and sick. my mother was crying. she said i look just like them. she made me soup. wanted to share it with the people on tv. i like soup.
    BLOG 5
    can’t stop crying. disgust myself. family forced me to eat a meal ’cause it’s christmas eve. now i’m gross. putrid. foul. holidays make me so sad. we’re not happy like everyone else. always feel there is something i should be doing, somewhere i should be going. don’t know where that is. maybe santa claus will leave me diet pills under the tree. had christmas nightmares. dreamed my family was making me eat reindeer meat. there were sad antlers on my plate.