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man.” Without thinking
about it, I spun on Marco and gave him a shove that pushed him back
a step.
    I hadn’t meant to get physical. When we were
little kids we had gotten into a fight over some dumb thing and I’d
wound up in the hospital. It really scared both of us, and we
promised we were never going to fight again. And we hadn’t. An
apology was halfway out of my mouth before I bit it back. “I’m
getting really tired all the dyke bullshit, ok? It’s getting
old.”
    “Whatever. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Somethin’s not right about that chick.”
    Marco turned and headed for the music store.
I followed, thinking now was exactly the wrong time to bring up the
other thing, but I’d made up my mind to get it out tonight and
didn’t want to put it off any longer. Besides, when walking into a
store with Marco, who knew what he had in mind, or what would come
into his head as soon as he saw something he wanted?
    “Marco, wait a minute. There’s something we
gotta talk about.”
    “So talk.”
    “Let’s hang out here for a minute.”
    Marco rested his hand on the metal pull of
Vinyl Salvation’s plexiglass entry door. “What, you need a mocha
latté and a muffin? Spit it out.”
    “I want out.”
    That got Marco’s attention. He walked away to
the corner of the building, settled his back against the bricks,
and dug a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket.
    “So talk,” he snapped when I leaned against
the wall beside him.
    “That’s pretty much it. I don’t want to do it
anymore.”
    Marco lit his cigarette, blew out smoke.
“Huh.”
    “It was fun, seeing what we could do, what we
could get away with. But we’re not kids anymore. Swiping nickel and
dime shit was one thing, but—”
    “We’re not kids anymore. It’s time for the
big stuff—the good stuff. Come on, what’s the big deal? You worried
about getting tried as an adult? How’re they going to catch
us?”
    How’d they get Krista? “Look, I just
don’t want to do it anymore, ok? I don’t get my rocks off being a
criminal. What you do is your business. Just leave me out of any
more of your big plans.”
    Marco was quiet, staring at the smoke curling
from the end of his cigarette. I’d expected him to be angry, maybe
to shout at me about how much the group needed me, about how I was
letting the guys down because I was chicken-shit scared. Whatever
he was going to say to try to force me to continue, just to show
that I wasn’t dickless. But this quiet meant that Marco was
thinking, not just reacting.
    I was afraid of my best friend. The knowledge
sat in my gut like lead. It was more than how I felt a little sick
every time he got pissed off about something, more than the start
it gave me every time he would give me a shake or a smack. That was
just how guys are around each other. It shouldn’t have been a big
deal. But it was. I had been on the receiving end of that temper
once, and I had seen it doled out on someone else. Even knowing
that the someone else deserved it, the power of Marco’s rage had
stuck with me so hard that it had been coloring my actions ever
since.
    How long had I known what kind of person
Marco was becoming and just ignored it? He’d been my best friend
practically my whole life. We’d been so close for so long now, that
it was like having a brother you couldn’t stand, but you’d beat the
shit out of anybody who messed with him. If I went with my
conscience and stood my ground, would Marco continue to protect me,
or throw me to the wolves?
    He clapped me on the shoulder, almost making
me jump, and flicked the cigarette butt out onto the bricks. I
wondered if he knew the effect that had on me. “Like you said
earlier, it’s best if we lay low for a while. You’re right, and we
will. But when the time comes, I need you on this. You know I do. I
need you to have my back, same way I’ve always got yours. Anything
for a friend, right? Anyway, we can talk about this later. Now come
on. College