Hummingbird Heart Read Online Free PDF

grateful, and most of the time I was.
    But I still wished things could go back to how they used to be when we were twelve.

SIX
    The party house was thrumming with music and swarming with people. Half the high school must have been there. Jessica waved to us from across the living room and made her way over. Her face looked oddly unfamiliar behind pale foundation and darkly made-up eyes. She’d been a total tomboy when we were kids, into baseball and dirt bikes, but now she seemed to be turning into this model-wannabe who wore tight clothes and thigh-high boots with stiletto heels. I felt as though I didn’t know her anymore.
    â€œHey, guys.” Jessica winked at me.
    I nodded back. “Hi.” I gestured at the crowds. “Lot of people.” Duh.
    â€œYeah, yeah. Hey, you haven’t seen Ian, have you?”
    â€œWe just got here,” Toni said.
    â€œHe doesn’t like parties,” Jessica said, rolling her eyes. “He’s probably hiding somewhere. I better go find him.”
    I knew how he felt. Toni elbowed me, and I could hear bottles clinking together in the bag slung over her shoulder. “There’s Finn,” she said.
    I followed her gaze. Finn was walking toward us. I’d never been attracted to him, but I could see why Toni was. Dark curly hair, dark eyes, nice body. And a slight British accent. He’d moved to Canada when he was barely old enough to speak, which made me wonder if he might be at least partly faking it. I realized I was frowning and quickly adjusted my expression to something more neutral. “Well, I guess I better give you guys some privacy.”
    â€œYou don’t have to. Hang out with us. Seriously, Dylan, you don’t have to always…”
    I gave Toni a one-armed sideways hug and forced myself to smile. “I know when three’s a crowd.” I nodded at Finn as he joined us. “Hey, Finn. I’ve gotta go talk to someone. I’ll catch you later, Toni.”
    Finn grinned at me. Toni shrugged, pulled a six-pack of coolers out of her bag and handed one to me. I took it and wandered off, feeling lost as I made my way out of the kitchen and through the crowded living room. I shouldn’t have come. I really didn’t like parties. I usually spent the whole time feeling awkward and uncomfortable, or sitting in a corner somewhere having an intense conversation with one other person, which was fine, but in that case why be at a party at all?
    I found an empty window seat and sat down, watching the party like I was in the audience at a play. Front row, and hoping none of the actors would actually try to interact with me. I tipped a mouthful of Toni’s cooler down my throat. Ugh. And about the color—what did they put in there to make it that toxic blue? It was probably carcinogenic. What would make anyone think it was a good idea for a drink to be that color anyway? I tucked my feet beneath me and stared at my shoes. I should just go home.

    An hour later, I was still thinking the same thing, but for some reason I hadn’t actually left. Instead, I’d had a boring conversation about computer games with a guy I didn’t know and an even more boring conversation about school with a girl from my French class. I’d drunk another of Toni’s coolers and watched from a distance as Toni and Finn made out on the couch. I was pulling my phone out of my purse, trying to decide how uncool it would be to text Toni that I was leaving, when I glanced up and saw Jax.
    He really was gorgeous. Every time I looked at him, I felt as if my heart actually, literally, skipped a beat. I watched him walk across the living room and look around a little uncertainly. I hesitated. I should wave. That would be what Toni would do. Instead, I looked away.
    Which was totally the wrong thing to do, because he’d already caught me looking. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him walking toward me. Would he think it was