something.”
I opened my eyes, and blinked in the orange-bathed darkness, so frustrated I could have punched a rock.
“Then, how can I—”
Poko shook his head, interrupting my inquisition.
“You’re keeping yourself blind because you’re trying so hard to see, Lily. You’re letting your desire to see your mate cloud your gifted vision.”
“But he’s all I care about,” I protested.
The two days of spirit walking practice with Poko started to take a toll on me. At some point partway through yesterday I got a headache, and had just been getting worse and worse ever since. I couldn’t keep my mind on anything for more than a few seconds.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t...”
Poko’s leathery hand on my shoulder gave me some small bit of comfort.
“I understand, child. There’s no reason to apologize. After so many years walking the earth, I’ve mellowed some, but I used to be every bit as hot and impatient as you young ones.”
“I try so hard not to want things to be different. I keep trying to make myself enjoy the moment, or whatever it is I’m supposed to do.”
I blew a puff of air out of my nose, and ran my hand through my hair.
“I think, maybe, I’m just not meant for this meditative stuff.”
That got Poko laughing in his curious, breathy way.
“I could have said the same thing, to the letter, a few hundred years ago. After that, I decided anyone who wasn’t as patient as death was doing something wrong. These days, though, I think that impatience is a good thing. Without a bit of impatience, how would anything change?”
A coughing fit wracked the ancient werewolf, and when he finally caught his breath, he just smiled.
“How can I do what I’m supposed to do,” I asked, “if I can’t make myself calm down? Or, at least calm down enough to stop thinking about Damon for thirty seconds? I feel so useless.”
“Ah,” Poko said. “That’s because you’re in love. No reason to be ashamed of that. I remember back when Ala was alive – I’ve told you about her, yes?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. Was she important to you?”
Poko laughed softly. “At the very least. She was my mate, yes. She and I spent a very, very long time together. When it was finally time for me to let her fade, to join the spirits, I could hardly bring myself to let go.”
“That’s awful,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”
“Child, you don’t understand the way of things. This whole universe – this planet, these rocks, the stars outside – we are all one. You’ve seen that with how your spirit travels, yes?”
I couldn’t answer, at first. My breath just hitched in my throat, and wouldn’t come out. A moment later, I swallowed hard.
“I never thought of it that way, I guess.”
“Oh?” Poko asked, arching an eyebrow.
“I... I guess it sounds stupid, but the first time I did it, I was with Damon, you know, and we were just kind of sitting around. I was asleep, and then my eyes seemed to zoom out of my head, and up and up and up, and then I felt kinda like... Well this is going to sound stupid, but did you ever see the Superman movie? Where he flies off and kinda hangs out in space watching for things that he needs to help with?”
Poko shook his head. “I’ve never been one for theaters. I did read some of the books though, a long time ago. I remember one, where he punched someone so hard, he left the stratosphere.”
It was my turn to laugh.
“Totally didn’t expect that,” I said.
“We’re all capable of surprising each other,” he replied. “But, I know what you mean. Go on.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I guess that’s it, really. I didn’t think of it like some kind of cosmic connection, I just thought of it like, I was way up in the sky and looking down at a bunch of lights.”
Poko scratched some of the loose-hanging skin on his neck.
“In a way you were. But how, do you suppose, you got up there?”
“Astral projection,” I blurted out. “I heard
I opened my eyes, and blinked in the orange-bathed darkness, so frustrated I could have punched a rock.
“Then, how can I—”
Poko shook his head, interrupting my inquisition.
“You’re keeping yourself blind because you’re trying so hard to see, Lily. You’re letting your desire to see your mate cloud your gifted vision.”
“But he’s all I care about,” I protested.
The two days of spirit walking practice with Poko started to take a toll on me. At some point partway through yesterday I got a headache, and had just been getting worse and worse ever since. I couldn’t keep my mind on anything for more than a few seconds.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t...”
Poko’s leathery hand on my shoulder gave me some small bit of comfort.
“I understand, child. There’s no reason to apologize. After so many years walking the earth, I’ve mellowed some, but I used to be every bit as hot and impatient as you young ones.”
“I try so hard not to want things to be different. I keep trying to make myself enjoy the moment, or whatever it is I’m supposed to do.”
I blew a puff of air out of my nose, and ran my hand through my hair.
“I think, maybe, I’m just not meant for this meditative stuff.”
That got Poko laughing in his curious, breathy way.
“I could have said the same thing, to the letter, a few hundred years ago. After that, I decided anyone who wasn’t as patient as death was doing something wrong. These days, though, I think that impatience is a good thing. Without a bit of impatience, how would anything change?”
A coughing fit wracked the ancient werewolf, and when he finally caught his breath, he just smiled.
“How can I do what I’m supposed to do,” I asked, “if I can’t make myself calm down? Or, at least calm down enough to stop thinking about Damon for thirty seconds? I feel so useless.”
“Ah,” Poko said. “That’s because you’re in love. No reason to be ashamed of that. I remember back when Ala was alive – I’ve told you about her, yes?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. Was she important to you?”
Poko laughed softly. “At the very least. She was my mate, yes. She and I spent a very, very long time together. When it was finally time for me to let her fade, to join the spirits, I could hardly bring myself to let go.”
“That’s awful,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”
“Child, you don’t understand the way of things. This whole universe – this planet, these rocks, the stars outside – we are all one. You’ve seen that with how your spirit travels, yes?”
I couldn’t answer, at first. My breath just hitched in my throat, and wouldn’t come out. A moment later, I swallowed hard.
“I never thought of it that way, I guess.”
“Oh?” Poko asked, arching an eyebrow.
“I... I guess it sounds stupid, but the first time I did it, I was with Damon, you know, and we were just kind of sitting around. I was asleep, and then my eyes seemed to zoom out of my head, and up and up and up, and then I felt kinda like... Well this is going to sound stupid, but did you ever see the Superman movie? Where he flies off and kinda hangs out in space watching for things that he needs to help with?”
Poko shook his head. “I’ve never been one for theaters. I did read some of the books though, a long time ago. I remember one, where he punched someone so hard, he left the stratosphere.”
It was my turn to laugh.
“Totally didn’t expect that,” I said.
“We’re all capable of surprising each other,” he replied. “But, I know what you mean. Go on.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I guess that’s it, really. I didn’t think of it like some kind of cosmic connection, I just thought of it like, I was way up in the sky and looking down at a bunch of lights.”
Poko scratched some of the loose-hanging skin on his neck.
“In a way you were. But how, do you suppose, you got up there?”
“Astral projection,” I blurted out. “I heard
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