Hope to Die Read Online Free PDF Page B

was a widower when Anita met him, with two girls living at home; her own sons were out of the house by then, and she'd moved in with Thiele and helped him raise his daughters.
    I saw other people I recognized- Anita's brother and his wife, both of them suddenly middle-aged, and heavier than when I'd known them, and her sister, Josie, who'd hardly aged at all. On the other side of the center aisle sat my two boys, Michael and Andrew, with June, Michael's wife, seated between them. Michael and June have a daughter, Melanie, and a year ago Elaine and I flew out for a long weekend inSan Francisco, in the course of which we drove toSan Jose for a look at my granddaughter. June is third-generation Chinese-American, slim and exquisite, and Melanie is one of the more powerful arguments for interracial marriage.
    I didn't see Melanie. She was what, two? Certainly no more than three, and too young for a funeral.
    But then so was Anita.
    "Her birthday's in November," I'd told Elaine. "She's three years younger than me, three and a half. That makes her fifty-eight."
    "God, that seems young."
    "She had a heart attack. I thought men got heart attacks."
    "So do women."
    "She wasn't heavy, she didn't smoke. Although what the hell do I know about it? Maybe she weighed three hundred pounds and chewed cigars. I'm trying to remember the last time I saw her. I can't. I spoke to her on the phone when that lunatic Motley was on the loose, killing any woman he could find who was somehow connected to me. I told her she might be in danger and to get out of town for a while."
    "I remember."
    "She was pissed off. How dare I interfere in her life? I told her it wasn't by choice, but I have to say I could see her point. You divorce a guy and move on, you don't want to have to run and hide because he got himself on somebody's shit list."
    "You must have talked to her since then."
    "I did. I remember now, I called to congratulate her when Melanie was born. Wait a minute, that's wrong. I called, all right. But I got him instead, Thiele, and he said Anita had flown out to see the kid for herself."
    "And you called Michael's house, and she answered the phone."
    "That's right. I remember she kept telling me how beautiful Melanie was, as if she was telling herself as much as she was telling me. It bothered her when Michael and June got married."
    "I didn't know that. Because she's Chinese?"
    "Uh-huh. So Michael said. Because it would be difficult for them, coming from different cultures, di dah di dah di dah. That's how she put it, but I think all it was was she didn't want a Chinese daughter-in-law, or grandchildren with slanted eyes."
    "But she got over it."
    "Oh, sure. People do. And Anita was never mean-spirited, or particularly narrow-minded. It was just that she didn't know any Asians. Then her son married one and she got used to it."
    "How do you feel, baby?"
    "About June? I think she's the best thing that ever happened to Michael, with the possible exception of Melanie. But that's not what you mean."
    "No."
    "I'm not sure how I feel," I said. "Like I've lost something, but what? She hasn't been in my life for years."
    "Maybe you've lost part of the past."
    "Maybe. Whatever it is, I feel sad."
    "I know."
    We were silent for a long moment, and then she asked me if I wanted another cup of coffee. I said I thought Monica got the last cup, and anyway I didn't figure I needed any more coffee.
    "She died Saturday morning," I said. "The boys flew in Sunday. I don't know where Andy's living now. It wasDenver last I heard, but that was a while ago. He doesn't stay anyplace for very long."
    "Gathers no moss."
    "They flew in yesterday," I said, "and called me tonight." I let that hang in the air, and then I said, "The funeral's tomorrow. Out in Syosset."
    "You'll go, won't you?"
    "I suppose so. Pick up a car from Avis and drive out. It's at two in the afternoon, so I'll miss the rush hour going out, and probably coming back, too." I looked down at my hands. "I can't