Hold My Breath Read Online Free PDF Page B

laugh.
    The silence is never far away, and when the hostess leaves, we’re instantly back to avoiding eye contact and busying ourselves with straightening the condiments on the table, checking our phones and wiping away lost salt granules from the table top. I start to regret agreeing to come, only because I see how hard it is on her. When she looks up and our eyes catch and hold on, I regret nothing.
    “I’m sorry I’m being so…”
    “It’s okay,” I break in, shocked she’s even going here. I swallow hard and hold my breath, hoping she doesn’t retract everything and go back to awkward silence. This conversation is too necessary.
    Another minute passes while we look at each other. The waitress delivers our coffee and tells us she’ll be back in a minute to take our order, and I break away long enough to tell her “fine” and smile.
    “I miss him,” she says, her eyes leaving mine as soon as she says the word him.
    “Me too,” I say, stopping there. Only what she wants to hear, and nothing more.
    She chuckles to herself and adjusts her posture on her side of the booth, tucking one leg under the other before leaning to stare at me, her mouth crooked, curious.
    “How’d my dad get you back in his pool, Will?” she asks.
    Not the direction I wanted our conversation to go. I wanted to air out things with Evan, all the shit I’ve done and been through, but again, all of that would be for me. We’ll do this her way, under her direction. It’s fine.
    “Actually, I called him. I’m getting old,” I say, and Maddy laughs, sliding her hands forward on the table as she leans. I itch to touch them, but I don’t. “Twenty-five is old in swimming,” I add, my lips twisted.
    “So’s twenty-three,” she chuckles.
    “Nah, twenty-three’s right where you wanna be,” I say, stretching one arm out along the back of the booth and twisting to match her. My muscles ache. I’m nowhere near in the condition Maddy is, and I broke myself trying to keep up with her today. I knew I would— that’s why I had to come here to train.
    “You all ready?” the waitress asks. I raise a brow to Maddy, and she furrows hers, holding up a finger.
    “You go first, then I’ll be ready,” she says.
    “Short stack, side of bacon,” I tell the waitress. When I look back at Maddy, her hand is on her forehead.
    “That was really fast…ummmm,” she flips through the pages of the menu, like she isn’t going to get what she always gets, what she’s eaten every single time I’ve ever had breakfast with her, which numbers maybe into the hundreds. “I don’t know…I guess…uhhhhh…”
    I only catch it because I’m watching her manically turn the pages of her menu. Her hands are shaking with nerves, and the more she rushes to pick something to eat, the bigger those trembles become. I reach forward and push her menu flat, causing her to look up at me, so I wink.
    “She’ll have the oatmeal, topped with apples and cinnamon, and a side of bacon,” I say.
    The waitress waits for Maddy to look up and nod, confirming it, then tucks her pen behind her ear and tears our ticket off on her way back to the kitchen.
    “What if I wanted something different?” she asks.
    “Since when have you ever ordered anything else at this place,” I smirk.
    She purses her lips, but they betray her and bend into a smile. We both settle into our seats more, and before the silence can win again, I fill the void, continuing to answer her last question.
    “I only have one more shot at this, and I know I’m a long shot, but I kinda think maybe I’m better than some of those other freestylers heading to Omaha. I just had to see it through, and if I was going to go, I wanted to be my best,” I say.
    She studies me, her arms folded over her chest, and I’m relieved when a refill comes for our coffee so I can give my attention over to the creamer and packs of sugar.
    “You were always my dad’s favorite, you know,” she says. Her words hit my