Hold Me Closer: The Tiny Cooper Story Read Online Free PDF Page B

wish I could say I thought it all out ahead of time . . . but I don’t really plan my revelations. So it happened when I wasn’t fully expecting it.
    The guys—again, wearing whatever you want them to be wearing—have gathered in the locker room, doing locker room things. (Bully #1 and Bully #2 have returned from the baseball scene. I won’t dignify them by giving them names.)
    (Note: Phil Wrayson is NOT a member of the football team. We want this to be believable.)
    Tiny comes walking into the scene, toweling his hair, singing:
    TINY ( singing ):
    I’m going to wash that boy right into my hair
    I’m going to wash that boy right into my hair
    I’m going to wash that boy right into my hair . . .
    (
speaking
)
    Oh, hi, guys.
    There’s silence for a moment. Then the bullies go into full attack mode.
    [“THE NOSE TACKLE (LIKES TIGHT ENDS)”]
    BULLY #1:
    The nose tackle likes tight ends!
    BULLY #2:
    Don’t drop the soap, boys!
    Don’t drop the soap!
    BULLY #1:
    He’ll penetrate your end zone unless you guard it!
    BULLY #2:
    Don’t drop the soap, boys!
    Don’t drop the soap!
    TINY:
    Is that it?
    Your biggest fear?
    That all of a sudden
    I’m after your rear?
    The locker room isn’t porn for me
    because you’re all so goddamn pimple-y.
    I want touchdowns, man,
    not to touch you there.
    And if you have a problem with that
    I can’t say I care!
    BULLY #1:
    The nose tackle likes tight ends!
    BULLY #2:
    Don’t drop the soap, boys!
    Don’t drop the soap!
    BULLY #1:
    He’s aiming between your goalposts!
    BULLY #2:
    Don’t drop the soap, boys!
    Don’t drop the soap!
    TINY:
    First of all, the soap is liquid,
    so your warning makes no sense.
    And for someone who’s so straight and such
    I think you doth protest too much.
    You can keep in it your strap
    ’cause you ain’t got nothing I want to tap.
    I’ve come to win the game—
    and hope you want the same.
    BULLY #1:
    The nose tackle likes tight ends!
    TEAM (EXCEPT FOR BULLIES ):
    Who cares, boys?
    Who cares?
    BULLY #2:
    He wants you to go
long
and catch his pass!
    TEAM (EXCEPT FOR BULLIES ):
    Who cares, boys?
    Who cares?
    We joined this team so we could play,
    not to hound you if you are gay.
    Welcome, Tiny—ignore the haters.
    They’re just inexpert masturbators!
    Our nose tackle likes tight ends!
    If you attack him, we will defend!
    Our nose tackle keeps his eyes on the balls!
    Take him on, you take on us all!
    Big dance number with the team protecting Tiny and ostracizing the bullies, perhaps with some towel action in homage to the towel number in the 2008 Lincoln Center revival of
South Pacific.
    At the end, Tiny looks relieved and grateful, proud to be gay and proud to be a part of this team.
    TINY ( spoken ):
    Thanks, guys.
    The football players leave the stage, and Tiny revels in the security of being part of a team. As we head for the last scene in the first act, we feel he’s in a pretty good place.

ACT I, SCENE 10
    A dark stage. Tiny once more in the spotlight.
    TINY:
    So that was it. I had fully emerged from my big gay chrysalis and was now a big gay butterfly. I spread my wings. I flew around. It felt gooooood.
    I had great friends. I had a supportive family. I had football. I should have felt complete.
    And yet I didn’t.
    The piano begins. Tiny looks around the stage, as if he’s just stepped outside the shtetl and is about to ask the immortal question, “Papa, can you hear me?” Only it’s not his dead father he’s addressing. For one, his father isn’t dead. For two, that’s already been done, like, a thousand times.
    Tiny should remain in the spotlight throughout. The other characters should emerge from the darkness and then get spotlights of their own.
    [“WHAT IS MISSING? (LOVE IS MISSING)”]
    TINY:
    Something’s missing.
    What is missing?
    It’s like a sense I’ve never used.
    A place I’ve never been.
    A chord I’ve never heard.
    A shiver I’ve never felt.
    Lynda, the lesbian babysitter, emerges from the