Not ever. No matter how much he was suffering.
Tallie had told her once that of her three brothers, Hank was the most bitter and resentful about having been raised poor and parentless. Where Tallie had no memory of their parents and Caleb only vague memories, Hank and Jake did remember. Their father had been a gambler and a drinker and they'd moved from pillar to post and had often been run out of town by the local authorities. When their parents had been killed in an accident, the four Bishop children had come to Crooked Oak to live with their paternal grandfather, a good man but not a warm and loving parent by any stretch of the imagination.
"Hank won't ever marry and have kids," Tallie had told her. "He'll never take the chance that he might not be as perfect at fatherhood as he is at everything else."
Remembering her friend's words, Susan sighed. "All right, Hank. I'll cooperate." She held out her hand, pretending that she was as unemotional and in control of the situation as he was. "You'll watch over me until the baby's born and then you'll be his or her godfather, doting 'Uncle Hank.' But no one, other than Sheila and Caleb, will ever know Lowell isn't the father of my child."
The thing Hank wanted most at that very minute was to touch Susan, to take her hand and pull her close. And it was the last thing on earth he should do. He stared at her proffered hand—a gesture to seal the bargain.
She waited, shifting uncomfortably several times before he reached out and took her hand in his. The moment his skin touched hers, she felt an electrical current zing through her body. She closed her eyes momentarily and prayed for the strength to not succumb to the desire she felt for this man. How could she be so wanton? Lowell hadn't been dead two weeks!
Hank held her hand and gazed into her big blue eyes. He should be damned to hell for what he was thinking— for what he was feeling. If he acted on his desire, he'd scare her to death and offend her so grievously that she'd never forgive him.
He shook her hand, then released it and stepped away from her. "I'll come back over tonight and pack up Lowell's clothes."
"All right. Thank you."
"If you need me, I'll be in the sheriff's office this afternoon, and later, I'll be out at Caleb and Sheila's. I'm staying with them temporarily, until I find a place to live."
"I'll see you to the door."
When he turned around, she followed him. He didn't pause until he stepped out on the front porch, then he faced her briefly, smiled weakly and nodded farewell. She stood in the open doorway and watched him as he drove off down the road.
Tears trickled from the corners of her eyes, dampening her cheeks in their descent. Life was unfair. So terribly unfair. She'd taken every precaution to keep her unrequited love for Hank Bishop from becoming an obsession. She had loved him from afar when she'd been a teenager, mooned over him the way some girls mooned over rock stars. But he had never noticed her, except as Tallie's little friend, and deep within her she had known it was for the best. As much as she adored Hank, she was afraid of the way he made her feel.
Aunt Alice had insisted she always be the perfect little lady. No vulgar displays. No immoral thoughts or feelings.
"Sex" was an unspoken word—a strictly taboo subject in her aunt's house. What she felt for Hank had been wrong, and probably sinful, and had certainly frightened her. So, she had dated the safe boys—the ones who didn't make butterflies soar in her stomach or create tingling sensations in the most intimate parts of her body.
Hank had left Crooked Oak and she had prayed for Prince Charming to come along and sweep her off her feet, to make her fall in love with him and give her a happily-ever-after life. And she had been sure that she wouldn't feel ashamed of or frightened by the way Prince Charming made her feel.
At thirty, she'd given up hope of this sweet and safe Prince Charming and settled for sweet and safe