Hidden Scars Read Online Free PDF Page B

a dip of his head. “Have a good weekend, Sara.”
           He’d see her on Monday. It was soon enough.

Chapter Four
           Sara snatched up her phone before it could skitter off her desk. “Hello?”
           “Hey, babe. Sorry I didn’t call you sooner. Things have been crazy the last few days.” Nate’s familiar voice was apologetic. “I hope I didn’t screw up any plans you had.”
           “Nah.” It wasn’t unusual for one or the other to take so long to return a phone call. Her disappointment at having to leave a voicemail hadn’t lasted long. If she got to see him, great. If not, she’d find something else to do. “What’ve you been up to?”
           She chatted with him for a few more minutes before repeating her invitation to dinner. His hesitation spoke volumes, and she steeled herself for a rejection.
           “Sara, I’d love to. And I’d love to keep seeing you, but there’s casual, and then there’s what you and I’ve got. I’m not saying I’m looking to get into anything serious…no, I am. Something a little more serious than what we are would be good.” He sighed. “I mean it, I like hanging out with you, and yeah, I’d be up for making it more regular.” He lapsed into silence, and her stomach tightened. Her move. She should say yes. Yes, she’d like to do this more regularly. Yes, she’d like to keep seeing him. Yes, she’d like to entertain the possibility of sex.
           She missed sex. Missed everything about it. Sex with Nate would be good. He’d proven himself in the kissing department. More, he’d never pushed her beyond her comfort zone.
           Maybe she needed something different. Someone who
would
push her out of her comfort zone. Then she might get laid sometime in the next decade.
           Fear crept through her. “I can’t,” she whispered, hating that her voice sounded so tiny. So easily broken. She swallowed. “I can’t. I know it’s a terrible cliché, it’s not you, it’s me. I’m not ready for anything more…regular than what we’ve got. And it sucks.” It really did. She wished she could be stronger, be ready for a guy like Nate, be what he deserved, and it hurt that she couldn’t.
          The conversation ended abruptly after that, and she locked the phone in her desk so she wouldn’t be tempted to call him back and tell him she’d give it a shot.
           She couldn’t ignore the screaming
NO!
at his admission he wanted more.
           She spun her chair toward the window. Staring hard at the rain pelting the streets of downtown Portland, she fought off the self-loathing slinking into her brain. She could only curse Sam for so much, and for so long. Eventually she’d have to suck it up and get on with the rest of the business of life.
           There’d be other guys. Other decent men like Nate. They weren’t an anomaly. Harder to find, sure. She wasn’t in a hurry. That, ultimately, was what caused her to say
no
when
yes
was on the tip of her tongue. Nate had the misfortune of being a guinea pig, the way she’d kept coming back, pushing a little further each time, instead of cutting it off after a few dates.
           Rain struck the windows, pinging like flying gravel. The black continued to encroach, sinking into her limbs, making her want to curl into a ball and hide under her desk.
Enough
. If she couldn’t focus on work, she’d distract herself until the nastiness inside dissipated.
           She slid the bottom drawer of her desk open and tugged her purse free. She wanted to be surrounded by noise and left alone. Stumptown was the perfect spot.
           The small shop across the street was about half full, the rain keeping her co-workers from crossing the street for their mid-morning caffeine fix. Creamy walls were highlighted by black framed photos, and after grabbing a cup of coffee, she found a table tucked away in the back.
           The