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five, when the door jangled and Audie walked in.
    â€œGreetings, hermit!” she said.
    Audie had exactly two moods: exuberant and slightly less exuberant. Nothing in between. Today: a rare appearance by the latter.
    Max hit the Stop button on his watch and gave her a withering smile. “I can make it up to you.”
    â€œYou damn well better.” Audie attempted to look stern but failed immediately, as her face just didn’t bend that way. “With meats. Chop-chop!”
    Max retrieved the box of Slim Jims he’d stashed and plopped it on the counter. “Today I’ve prepared for you a selection of plastic-wrapped charcuterie, featuring a rustic gastrique of artisanal pig anuses and a decadent mélange of mechanically separated chicken,” he said in the style of the chefs on all those cooking competition shows his mother complained about wasting her life watching, yet watched anyway.
“Bon appétit.”
    â€œYou’re such a freak,” Audie said with a giggle, tossing a wad of money at him and attacking the wrapper. “But thanks.”
    â€œHow do you find the mouthfeel, ma’am?”
    â€œEw. Lifetime moratorium on that word.”
    â€œWhat, ‘mouthfeel’?”
    â€œStop it!” she cried, giving him one of those fake smacks on the arm that she had perfected since the age of five.
    Max dodged it with a smile. “What are you doing up and about so early on a Saturday?” he asked, taking a Slim Jim for himself.
    Audie nodded toward the window. Her father was outside, pumping gas into the family car while her mother squeegeed the windshield. A third person was asleep in the back seat. “I’m giving Wall a ride to the airport. Which of course means we’re
all
giving Wall a ride to the airport because Mom and Dad
insisted
on coming. Like they think I’m gonna be so heartbroken about him going away for the weekend that I’m gonna bang him right there atop the check-in kiosk.”
    â€œThat’s a fun visual.”
    â€œI agree. Little fantasy of mine.”
    â€œThen maybe their suspicions aren’t unfounded.”
    â€œHey, don’t take their side.” She took another bite. “He’s not even conscious, anyway. Killer game last night, not that
you’d
know.”
    As they munched, Max toyed with the idea of telling her about what he’d seen up on Ugly Hill. Maybe she could—
    â€”kindly inform me that I’ve lost my mind?
his brain butted in.
She’ll think I’m bonkers. And if God forbid her father catches wind of it, he’ll go up there to investigate, and then I’ll lose my private digging spot, and if he God forbid decides to question me any further, I’ll totally cave and confess the theft of Frankencat, and then I’ll be arrested and go to jail and will almost certainly need to learn how to sharpen a toothbrush into a shiv to defend myself, which is a skill I should probably start honing now . . . I wonder if you can whittle a Slim Jim—
    The door bells rattled as a human refrigerator walked into the store. It leaned on the counter and smiled at Audie with a mouth full of straight, achingly white teeth.
    â€œHey, girl.”
    Audie’s mood ramped right up into high gear.
Click!
Full steam exuberant. “You’re awake!” Her face glowed as he grabbed her hand, twirled her around, then dipped her almost down to the floor, planting a big wet kiss on her laughing mouth.
    The giant pulled her back up, then turned to Max. “Hey, hoss.”
    â€œHi, Wall,” Max replied in a voice as microscopic as he felt.
    The real name of E’ville’s star linebacker and Audie’s boyfriend of three years was Emmanuel, but on the football field he basically turned into a concrete parking garage with a little helmet on top, so Wall was the nickname that stuck. He was a nice guy, yet Max still felt like the
Microceratus gobiensis
to