Hell Hath No Curry Read Online Free PDF

medicine cabinet, if that’s what you mean.”
    “No. You’ve been very helpful.” I headed for the door, but stopped when the most important question of the day occurred to me. “Priscilla, just out of curiosity, what are the two procedures you’ll be having?”
    “Liposuction on my upper arms, and floating rib removal.”
    I jiggled pinkies in both ears to make sure they weren’t blocked and I could hear right. “I’m sorry, I thought for a second you said ’rib removal.’ ”
    “I did.”
    26 Tamar
    Myers
    “But that’s so bizarre. And painful, I would imagine.”
    “Magdalena, don’t you be judging me until you’ve walked a mile in my pumps. What does a perfect woman like you know, anyway?”
    Apparently not as much as I thought. But until that morning I thought I knew everything there was to know about having a poor self-image. Well, color me wrong! I never could have dreamed that I would meet someone who felt even worse about her body than I did. And I still did. Jimmy’s lecture had yet to sink in fully, although I had already begun to pray that he was right.
    To have a woman as beautiful, albeit unbalanced, as Priscilla Livingood call me perfect—well, it was an indescribably wonderful experience. The sad part is, there may have been many nice things said about my appearance over my life span; things I’d managed to block out because I couldn’t possibly believe they were true. Perhaps my ears were deceiving me now. Perhaps I was nuts, as well as ugly. Perhaps I was dreaming. Whatever the case, I wasn’t going to hang around Jimmy’s office any longer to find out.
    “Toodle-oo,” I said, and sailed from the room.
    My full name is Magdalena Portulaca Yoder, and I have a life apart from my amateur detecting work and my killer bod. I’m the co-owner, but sole proprietress, of the PennDutch Inn, one of the most desirable full-board establishments east of the Mississippi.
    I am a sister to Susannah, a well-meaning, but slovenly, slothful, and slutty woman who is married to a jailed murderer. I am also a foster mother to a fourteen-year-old girl, who is the issue of my pseudo-ex-husband’s loins. And last, but not least, I am engaged to Dr. Gabriel Rosen, a retired physician, who fancies himself a mystery writer.
    When I got back to my car, the first thing I did was consult the rearview mirror. “Mirror, mirror, in the car, who’s not pretty, har, har, har?”
    HELL HATH NO CURRY
    27
    The mirror usually doesn’t hesitate to scream right back at me, “You’re not pretty, you dummkopf.”
    Now the mirror was mute.
    I tapped it with my index finger. “Come on, wake up. This is an important question.”
    The mirror mocked me with its silence.
    “Okay then, mirror, how about this: I have a classical face and a killer bod.”
    The mirror didn’t even snicker. “Congratulations, Magdalena.
    You’ve finally seen the light.”
    I turned on the ignition, squealed out of the parking lot, and careened down the highway to the Sausage Barn, where I was scheduled to meet four people for brunch. I knew for sure that one of these, in particular, would not hesitate to tell me the truth.
    5

    Curries
    All of the following recipes reflect typical curries of either meat or vegetables with a masala or curry sauce, which can be wet or dry.
    Different regions of India and Pakistan account for the variations in ingredients and preparation methods involved. Northern India and Pakistan see cooler, fragrant ingredients given the climate and spices indigenous to those regions. The farther south you go, the hotter the palate, thus the spicier the cuisine. Why eat hot foods in hot climates? Because the excess heat induced by the cuisine pro-motes perspiration, in turn cooling the person enjoying the dish.
    Coastal areas will have more seafood, rugged regions more meat; regional vegetables abound everywhere.
    All of these curries came from our kitchen. Curries vary, as do people. There are authentic curries that demand