Heaven Help Me, Or Hell Have Me (Heaven Help Me #1) Read Online Free PDF

plus column if you ask me.”
    “ True.” And then he
mumbles, “And your hair, the free coffee, the stove—”
    “ The stove?”
    He gives me an exasperated look. “You
forgot to turn it off. Are you trying to burn yourself to a
crisp?”
    “ Yes. I thought it was a
lovely idea,” I say, sarcastic-like. “And here you messed up my
plan for an awesome tan.”
    “ And the cat, though why you like
tripping over him is beyond me.”
    “ Wait. Wait. Wait. You
moved Cat?” I huff and cross my arms. “Do you know how much that
screwed with me?”
    “ Yes, I saw. Which is why
I put him back, evidently so you could fall on your face—something
you much rather prefer.”
    I point and glare, but I’m
smiling, ‘cause yeah, it’s funny. “I wasn’t expecting him there.
That’s on you.” I giggle and he grins in response.
    “ Yeah, sorry. I messed
that one up. I was only trying to help.”
    “ Yeah, I
get that.” The thing with Cat, though, he’s equal parts stubborn
and lazy, and it gets me to thinking. “How in the world did you get
him to move? I didn’t see you creeping around this morning.” But
now that I think about it, I did feel him.
    He narrows his eyes,
assumingly at the ‘creeping’ reference, but he answers my very
straight forward questions. And it proves one thing:
Miracles do happen. “I had a little chat with him, and he saw the wisdom
of my words.”
    I snort. “Fancy yourself
Dr. Doolittle, do ya?” He laughs and I’m glad he can take the
teasing in stride, ‘cause yeah, he’s gonna need to if we’re
supposed to get along. Which, I’m thinking, is the whole idea. “So,
I’m curious. What in the world did you say to Cat to get him to
listen.”
    “ I threatened to fix the
window so you could shut it.”
    I point at the window in
question, give it a glance. “You mean it won’t shut, even if I
try?” Crappy apartment. Crappier superintendent, telling me things
were in tip-top shape. I try to be mad about it, but eh...I really
don’t care. It’s my space, and I love it for what it is.
Mine.
    His eyebrows shoot up, nearly to his
hair line. “You’ve never tried? Why do you leave it
open?”
    “ For Cat. He’s gotta have
a safe place to go.”
    G-man looks at me, smiles again, and
shrugs. “Goodwill towards animals. That’s something, I
guess.”
    “ What does that
mean?”
    “ I’m
just trying to get a feel for you. You are my charge. I need to learn as
much as I can about you.”
    It makes sense, well...as much as any
of this does. And I wonder how all this works. “How does all this
work? I mean, I was lucky enough to have Heaven hear me and cover
my back. But why now? ‘Cause seriously, this help was a long time
coming. My life has always been one disaster after another.” I
throw up a hand to ward off the argument I see brewing in those
eyes of his. “I appreciate the help and all, but I’m just trying to
get a handle on it. Why now? Why not last week when Mr. Hands
almost caught me? Or last month when that guy almost mugged
me?”
    “ You were almost
mugged?”
    “ Yeah, but there were
people around and that scared him off.”
    “ Oh.” He says it absently,
looking at the floor, and I’m wondering if he’s still with
me.
    “ So? Why not then? Or last
year when I almost got hit by that car? Why now?”
    “ You what ?” His eyes bulge—such pretty green—and his jaw
drops.
    I snap my fingers in his
face. “Hey, stay with me here. Why now ?”
    “ All I know is this: Your
plea the other night opened the floodgates and invited Hell to
corrupt your soul.”
    “ Groovy,” I say, dryly.
“And so the PTB slapped a file in your hands and sent you off to
watch over me?”
    “ PTB?”
    “ Powers That Be.” I tip my
head and study him. He looks normal, sounds normal, seems like the
sanity is intact. “Don’t you ever watch TV?”
    “ Nooo.” He looks at me
like I’m nuts. “You did catch the part about me being a guardian
angel right?”
    I roll