Hannah's Gift Read Online Free PDF Page B

beyond the treatment. I knew that Hannah was going to die, and I was not afraid.
    I do not know where my fear went. I simply knew that if Hannah was going to die, I needed to face the truth and make the most of the time we had left. I also knew that whenit was time, I wanted her home, to let her go as gently as she could go.
    I opened my mouth and let the question fall out of my heart.
    “Dr. Kamalaker, when it’s clear that Hannah has had enough, when she’s ready to die, will you help her go?”
    Claude turned to look at me. Everyone else did, too. Dr. Kamalaker studied me thoughtfully without answering.
    Dr. Bekele spoke. “You realize, don’t you, that we are not giving up hope that Hannah’s cancer can go into remission. We intend to do everything we can to help her.” Jill and the nurse nodded emphatically in agreement.
    I knew they were probably horrified by my question; part of me was stunned by it, too. Even if I knew in my heart that Hannah was going to die, wouldn’t saying it out loud clinch the deal? I didn’t think so. I wasn’t giving up on the possibility that Hannah could be cured. I was simply acknowledging something that is already true for everyone: Death comes to all of us, ready or not. To know that Hannah was going to die couldn’t cause her death any more than denying it could prevent her death. The truth was going to be what it was, either way. The only choice I had was to decide what I was going to do with it.
    Dr. Kamalaker and I were still looking at each other. His eyes were soft and sympathetic. I felt as if he was seeing into my heart.
    “I am not willing to give up in the face of this disease,” he said finally. “I am going to do everything I can to beatthis cancer, but if we are not successful, I am also willing to help you with what you asked.”
    Waves of relief surged through me; not only had I been able to give a voice to my deepest fear, but I had found someone else willing to face the truth with me. If Hannah was going to die, I now knew that I wasn’t going to be alone in it.

Resilience
    DOCTORS HAD GRADUALLY DECREASED THE AMOUNT OF Hannah’s sedative and then removed the respirator tube from her throat. After all she had just been through, I couldn’t believe how good she looked. Although she had lost a lot of weight, her voice was hoarse, and the skin on her cheeks was raw where strips of tape had held the breathing tube in place, Hannah had spent the day laughing, talking, sipping juice, and watching videos with Will. I had even managed to wash her hair, using a plastic bowl and a sample of baby shampoo that one of the nurses had scrounged around to find for me. Hannah had insisted that we pull it back into a huge pink bow.
    Now, she was about to eat her first solid food in over a week.
    “Dinner!” the nurse announced with a flourish, lifting the lids on the tray in front of her to reveal a plate of mashed potatoes, cups of Jell-O and pudding, and a bowl of chicken broth.
    Hannah frowned. She wasn’t impressed. She poked herfinger into the potatoes, and then folded her arms across her chest.
    “No way, José. I’m not eating that. I want pizza,” she said. The nurse smiled.
    “Hannah, the doctors ordered these foods for you because they will be gentle on your throat and tummy. Tomorrow, maybe, you can have pizza.”
    Hannah looked steadily at her for about ten seconds. The nurse didn’t move.
    “Get Dr. Tony,” Hannah said.
    When Dr. Tony arrived, the nurse explained the situation. Dr. Tony tapped a finger on his clipboard the way he had that first morning when Hannah had stopped him in his tracks. He looked at Hannah. She returned his gaze.
    “Well,” he said finally, “I am Italian, so I know why Hannah feels the way she does about pizza. If I hadn’t eaten anything in a really long time, I’d want pizza, too.”
    Twenty minutes later, a second tray was delivered from the cafeteria. The nurse set it on the table in front of Hannah. Dr. Tony peeked