Gooseberry Bluff Community College of Magic: The Thirteenth Rib (Kindle Serial) Read Online Free PDF Page B

other words, fundamental substances from which all matter was made. These were salt, sulfur, mercury, water, and earth.”
    Zelda Akbulut wrote the list up on the board. “We know now, of course, that these are not really the building blocks of the universe. Not to mention that mercury is both rare and toxic, so its use is discouraged. But the old alchemists were able to accomplish some surprising things with these substances, including one experiment which we will be attempting to reproduce in the lab next week.”
    A fortyish man wearing a suit jacket over a turtleneck raised his hand. “So this is something that may show up on exams, yes?”
    Zelda scratched at her elbows as she answered. “Anything I write on the board is fair game for the exams. Anything I talk about in lecture — anything we do in lab, anything that comes up in your assigned reading — is something that could be on the exams.
    “Now, why are we talking about premodern alchemy at all? Because it’s important to learn how the field has reconceptualized itself over time. In the past seventy years we’ve gone from being seen as chemistry’s senile grandfather to the source of countless innovations in the fields of health, beauty, construction materials, cleaning supplies, and so on.”
    Turtleneck Man raised his hand again. “So will we also be learning about the Philosopher’s Stone?”
    Zelda folded her arms across her stomach, partly because she was annoyed, but mostly to keep herself from scratching. “Briefly, yes. We won’t be attempting to create one.”
    “May I ask why not?” Turtleneck Man had a faint Eastern European accent; Zelda wondered if he commuted to Gooseberry Bluff via portal.
    “Because quite apart from the fact that Avicenna convincingly refuted the entire concept, there’s the question of resources. Lead isn’t as cheap as it was before every amateur out there decided that they were going to be the one to discover the fabled stone. Still cheap, sure; so assume the college buys lead for everyone taking this class. Then assume we buy up all the chemicals and other materials that were supposed to have been used in all twelve stages of the creation of the White Stone. Then assume that each of you spends the entire semester doing nothing but trying to recreate the experiments of the ancients. Assume that one of you even succeeds. Amazing! The odds are against it, sure; in fact it’s probably impossible, but never mind about that. One of you has succeeded in finding the secret of creating gold!”
    She had their complete attention, some of them for the first time in the entire lecture. So many kids came into alchemy thinking it was the road to easy money; every semester she had to disillusion them of the idea. She’d be lying if she said that there wasn’t a part of her that relished it.
    “So let’s assume that you’re able to reproduce your success under even more rigorously controlled conditions. Because you discovered that secret here in class, you would of course be obligated to share your notes with your classmates and myself. Your enrollment gives the college part ownership of this sort of research, so you incorporate in partnership with the school. But the school is also obligated, under the Magical Currency Destabilization Act, to share these types of procedures with the government. And under the same act, private individuals — which includes corporations — are prohibited from the mass production of precious metals. Your best bet would probably be to create limited-edition gold sculptures — some sort of collectible that you can produce in small quantities but price relatively high.
    “You could potentially make a decent profit, over time, but you’d never be a millionaire with the Treasury looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life. And you’d have competitors, and the price of lead would gradually climb to nearly the price of gold — maybe even higher — and then everyone would start