Give the Dog a Bone Read Online Free PDF Page B

through any other command she might know. “Off! Move! Down! Go away!”
    Nothing.
    “Don’t you know even one command?” I whined, which only inspired her to turn around again and pant into my face.
    In a move born from utter frustration, I tried to make myself sound more like her owner and cried, “Mary! Get the hell off me!”
    Still no reaction. With effort, I managed to reach around her and shut off the engine. I considered my limited options. My car door was open, so I might be able to slither out from under Maggie head first onto the street. Either that or I could whistle as loud as possible right in her ear, which would be unpleasant for us both—for the dog’s sensitive eardrums and for me as she scrambled to get away from the sound.
    From somewhere near the car, a person groaned. A moment later, I recognized Ken’s voice as he said, “Ya see that, Allie? This is the other reason I gave up my car. Mary here always insisted on driving.”
    He leaned toward me and tried to grab his dog, which would have been much easier had he put her collar on her as I’d instructed him to do earlier. “Come on, Mar—Maggie. Get out of there. Give the poor dog gal a break.”
    It wasn’t bad enough that I was pinned into my car? Now I was being called a “dog gal”?
    “Hey!” he cried, beaming at me. “I just realized something. If you worked with cats instead of dogs, your nickname could be Allie Cat. Like an alley cat. Get it?”
    I had no response to the remark. After a minute or two of tugging and cajoling, Maggie hopped down onto the sidewalk. Finally free, I rocketed out of my car to stand beside the two of them. I brushed paw prints off my now mottled khakis.
    Ken was still wearing his too-short brown slacks and his teal shirt with the undershirt showing. His bald head was dappled with beads of perspiration. “Sorry ’bout the mud. You was headin’ over to see me, right?”
    Short on patience, I growled, “Listen to me, once and for all. This—” I gestured with an open palm at the golden “—is not your ex-wife. This is a dog. And, frankly, even if she
does
possess your ex-wife’s soul, I don’t care; she’s in a dog’s body now. You cannot, repeat
cannot
, treat Maggie like a person. She can’t roam the streets of your trailer park unleashed. It is too dangerous. Sooner or later she will get hit by a car, or she’ll bowl over some little toddler who’ll get badly hurt, thanks to you.”
    I paused to take a breath and let my words sink in. Ken’s affable expression was unchanged, so I continued. “She has to be taught simple, doglike commands, such as: Sit. Stay. Lie down. Come. And that all-important ‘off.’ Now if, for any reason, you can’t accept what I’m saying, I will help you find a trainer you can relate to better.” I combed my fingers through the bangs of my sandy-colored hair and said evenly, “Am I making myself clear?”
    He raised his eyebrows. “Yes, ma’am. Yous any good at your job?”
    I glanced at my car and said, “Not counting the past five minutes or so, yes, I am.”
    “Then what would I want to hire someone else for?” He waggled his thumb. “You can’t go ’n’ leave your car in the middle of the road like that. Follow me to my place.” Just then, Maggie started galloping down the sidewalk. “Better yet, just follow my dog.” He gave me a sheepish grin, then pivoted and lumbered down the sidewalk in the same direction as Maggie.
    I got into my car, repeating the phrase “job security” to myself as I followed them. Moments later, I arrived at unit thirteen, and Ken let me inside his home.
    His living space was just as cluttered and disorganized as I’d imagined it would be. The furnishings in the living room were hidden behind numerous stacks of newspapers. He led me to the kitchen, which had been essentially converted into a workshop. Electronic parts and gadgets covered nearly every flat surface, including the top of his computer.
    “Sorry