really do nothing but accept what happens to you just as the wind-bent pines bend to the prevailing wind. I was gritting my teeth. My knees felt weak. My heart was pounding in my chest. I had thought as I stood at the foot of the tower that being in the hands of fate was liberating, but it was confining, too. I was imprisoned by the whims and lusts of others.
The two men now started arguing, shrugging, raising their voices, turning away and turning back again. This went on for several minutes. The man in black was punching the palm of his hand. The beachcomber was shaking his head and making a clucking sound with his tongue.
‘Agh. Agh. Agh,’ he kept saying.
The man in black finally took out some money, three or four folded notes, and slapped them down on the side of the Zodiac. My man looked at the money, shook his head and the other man angrily grabbed the money, stuck it back in his tunic and went back to work on the outboard motor.
We turned away and were making our way towards the sheds when the man in black shouted what sounded like a terrible insult. My man stopped, threw up his palms as if in defeat and we returned once again. The man repairing the motor wiped his hands on the same filthy cloth, drew out his money and counted out five 10 euro notes that the beachcomber squirreled away in his blue tunic.
It was only at that moment that I realised that the two men had not been shouting at each other in anger. They were bartering over the price for that bonded piece of bric-a-brac. I was valued at 50 euros, the price of a meal in a good Barcelona restaurant.
Had I been sold, I wondered? Or was this a rental? Was I now a hooker and the man in blue my pimp? Was this how he made his living, searching for conch shells with pink lips and stray girls washed up on the beach? Was that what I had become, an object to be sold or hired or exchanged?
Yes, that’s exactly what I was. I had stopped being the girl who catches the bus along the Fulham Road with its cinemas and antique shops and bars and restaurants. I was no longer the girl who, with the toss of her long blonde hair and her pouty lips, had entrée to every club in the West End. I was no longer one half of a happening item. I was merchandise in the market. I was a slave like the people once stolen from Africa.
The younger man studied his prize. He felt my breasts, did that revolting thing of running his hand between my legs and, as if I were a horse, he even looked at my teeth; the only thing that appeared to impress him, good private dentistry and not one single filling.
‘Please, please don’t …’
‘Shush,’ he said.
He took out a worn knife with an ivory handle and a curved blade that gleamed in the sun. He turned me around and slashed through the leather thong binding my wrist. He then pushed me down over the rounded hull of the Zodiac. He said something which I assumed was ‘don’t move,’ and I lay there with my bottom in the air and my waist resting over the thick rubber sides of the inflatable boat.
The beachcomber, my owner , had moved around the bay and sat in the shade of one of the beached fishing boats with a clear view of the action. He crossed his legs and lit another cigarette.
The younger man used his foot to spread my legs wider and I had never felt more exposed, more ashamed, with my bottom in the air, still smarting from being spanked, and my wet pussy pushing through my thighs. The man started massaging and smacking my bottom; not hard, but what on another occasion I may have described as playfully . I heard him spit. As his moistened finger pressed at the delicate ring of my anus, a surge of fierce, uncontrollable anger rose up through me. I pushed myself up from the Zodiac, turned and slapped him across the face.
The sound rang out like a gunshot. I heard a bird lift on flapping wings from the undergrowth and fly like a stray thought across the empty sky.
The man didn’t look angry. He was amused. He lifted his hand to