Geography Club Read Online Free PDF

in high school.”
    Of course, what I’d meant when I’d said “We’re all alone” was that there were no other customers in the pizza joint. I’d just been trying to make conversation. I hadn’t been talking about being gay at all. But it had finally got the conversation rolling, so I wasn’t about to explain what I’d really meant.
    “It’s not like I don’t have friends,” Terese was saying, playing with her crusts. “I got a lot of friends. Sometimes they rank on me about being a dyke or a homo, but they don’t believe it, not really. I know what they’d say if they knew they were right. So it’s like you can never really relax, not when you’re with other people. I mean, if they knew the truth, would they still be your friends?”
    Yes ! I thought. That was exactly how I felt! During our talk at the stinky picnic gazebo, Kevin had said he felt this way too. Did that mean all gay kids felt like this?
    “It’s like you’re always wearing a mask or whatever,” Ike said. “Your family, even your friends, you can’t let them see the real you.”
    I hated to admit it, what with Ike saying it and all, but this described how I felt too.
    “It’s hard,” Kevin said. “Damn, it’s hard.”
    It was strange hearing Kevin sound so serious. I was curious to know exactly what he meant, so I asked, “What is?”
    He shrugged, his eyes downcast. “You know. Stuff. I guess that’s why I used to drink so much. Not just with my friends. Sometimes even when I was alone. I mean, it’s hard keeping a secret like this. Can’t talk about what you’re really feeling. Especially when you’re a jock or whatever. You probably think it’s great being popular, and yeah, sometimes it is. But there’s pressure. Sometimes, there’s so much pressure, it feels like you’re gonna burst! You wanna be honest and open, even if it’s just with yourself. But it’s hard. Sometimes, it’s just so damn hard.”
    “I know,” Min said. “If it wasn’t for Terese these past three years, I don’t know what I would’ve done.” Min glanced around the pizza place, which was still empty. Then she took Terese’s hand. “Probably gone insane,” Min said.
    “I tried to kill myself,” Ike said. (If you ever want to stop a conversation dead in its tracks, say these five words with a really serious expression on your face.)
    We all looked at him.
    “Don’t worry,” Ike said with a half smile. “It was a long time ago. I was fourteen. It was so stupid. Someone told me you could kill yourself if you drank dishwashing liquid. It just made me really really sick. I had to go to the hospital and everything. But when I drank it, I really wanted to die. I told everyone it was because my Science Fair project hadn’t won a ribbon, and my parents actually believed me. But the truth was, I was just tired of trying so hard to not be gay.” He looked around the table. “I never told anyone that before. I never even told my therapist.”
    When Ike said all this, I felt bad for before, when I’d thought I didn’t like him.
    “Well, someone say something else!” Ike said, already flushing red. “Otherwise, it’ll seem like I killed the conversation.”
    We all laughed. Then, just to get things started again, I told everyone how I’d been so lonely I’d been willing to meet some kid I didn’t know—some kid I’d met one night on a computer—at a park in the middle of the night. Kevin smiled when I said this.
    We kept talking, and I thought, Except for Min, I don’t know these people—I don’t really even know Kevin. But it was like I could be completely honest for the first time in my life. We were telling each other things we’d never told our best friends before, things we’d never even said out loud.
    The five of us may have been alone in the pizza place, but we weren’t really alone. Not anymore.
    After we’d been talking for a while, the door to the pizza parlor burst open, and a couple of husky construction