that right now when I’m only ten and seven-eighths.
But HBs are the best, so … I’m keeping the pencil.
4. A very strange thing is happening to my body.
My earlobes are growing.
Do you know what my mother said?
… Here’s what my mother said:
“What an imagination you have, Zoey.”
… Oh really?
My Auntie Barbara has earlobes that are so long, they swing back and forth. On her, earrings are dangerous weapons. A mosquito buzzing around her head is a goner.
5. Jazz sent the school the photographs that are in the magazine. There are pictures of The Bashleys and the Friends of The Bashleys.
(They are sort of out of focus, and the hallway and lockers are more in focus.)
There are also pictures of Harry, WHT, Big Ben, Harrison, and my bowling shirt (back and front pocket), fedora feather, one sneaker, and a close-up of my braces.
The Bashleys think that is funny in the extreme. And … not cool or chic
(noun or adjective)
.
6. No sign of a fairy godmother. My idea of having one of those has been a fiasco
(see number one)
.
(Told you. Snoozerama. Don’t have time for the toe story. Maybe later.)
Eleven
Beeeeeeee-eeeee-eeeeeep.
ATTENTION, PLEASE.
… Zoey Zinevich,
report to the
principal’s office.
Me? That Zoey Zinevich?
To the principal’s office?
Sixteen pairs of eyeballs—not counting the ones belonging to Mrs. Helferich—are eyeballing the person in desk five, row three.
Me.
This is all curiouser and more curiouser, because I have never been called to the principal’s office on the loudspeaker. …
Not even when I had to turn in the fedora.
(That was only a Hall Call.)
Mrs. Helferich is stunned by this surprising, ugly turn of events too. She hands me the hall pass, because if you don’t have a hall pass and you’re caught in the hall without having a hall pass, you’re going to have big trouble.
You have broken Rule #8:
You MUST Have a Hall Pass.
Since I’m already called over the loudspeaker, I don’t need any more trouble. I hold on to the hall pass and power walk to Mrs. Pappazian’s office. Does a hall pass work like a …
Get-out-of-Jail-Free Card?
Or does it mean …
Go Directly to the Office.
Do Not Pass Go.
Do Not Go to the Bathroom.
Is a fifth grader allowed in a second-grade girls’ bathroom … ?
Mrs. Katterman, the school secretary, is on the phone as I walk into the Main Office.
She waves me in behind the COUNTER .
Uh-oh. Nobody ever goes behind the COUNTER in the Main Office unless Mrs. Katterman waves you in. Or you have a brokennose. Mika Sanderberg got a broken nose when a volleyball hit her in the face during gym period.
The nurse wasn’t in school that day, so Mrs. Shulman, the gym teacher who is lucky because she gets to wear sweatpants every day, took Mika to the principal’s office. Mrs. Katterman waved her in behind the COUNTER immediately!
Mika told Venus and me all about it. Her nasal septum got smashed.
(Technically, that means the membrane thingie dividing her nostrils wasn’t ever going to be dividing anything again, unless she had an operation, which she did.)
Mika dripped blood on the COUNTER and also behind the COUNTER .
Having a broken nose and dripping real blood is the only reason I’ve ever heard of somebody getting waved behind Mrs. Katterman’s COUNTER .
Unless you are in really BIG trouble.
Mrs. Katterman is still on the phone.
“Well, yes, I will do that. …”
I’ve never noticed it before … but Mrs.Katterman has very big earlobes.
“Yes. Absolutely. I understand. I will get back to you shortly.”
I smile.
Mrs. Katterman doesn’t smile back.
She hangs up the phone.
She stares.
I clear my throat. Swallow. Whisper.
“I’m Zoey Zinevich.”
“ WHO? Speak up. Don’t garble. All you kids garble. Speak clearly when you’re spoken to.”
“I’m Zoey Zinevich.”
“Don’t raise your voice, young lady. Didn’t I call your name over the loudspeaker?”
I nod.
Not too big. Not too little. Just
But HBs are the best, so … I’m keeping the pencil.
4. A very strange thing is happening to my body.
My earlobes are growing.
Do you know what my mother said?
… Here’s what my mother said:
“What an imagination you have, Zoey.”
… Oh really?
My Auntie Barbara has earlobes that are so long, they swing back and forth. On her, earrings are dangerous weapons. A mosquito buzzing around her head is a goner.
5. Jazz sent the school the photographs that are in the magazine. There are pictures of The Bashleys and the Friends of The Bashleys.
(They are sort of out of focus, and the hallway and lockers are more in focus.)
There are also pictures of Harry, WHT, Big Ben, Harrison, and my bowling shirt (back and front pocket), fedora feather, one sneaker, and a close-up of my braces.
The Bashleys think that is funny in the extreme. And … not cool or chic
(noun or adjective)
.
6. No sign of a fairy godmother. My idea of having one of those has been a fiasco
(see number one)
.
(Told you. Snoozerama. Don’t have time for the toe story. Maybe later.)
Eleven
Beeeeeeee-eeeee-eeeeeep.
ATTENTION, PLEASE.
… Zoey Zinevich,
report to the
principal’s office.
Me? That Zoey Zinevich?
To the principal’s office?
Sixteen pairs of eyeballs—not counting the ones belonging to Mrs. Helferich—are eyeballing the person in desk five, row three.
Me.
This is all curiouser and more curiouser, because I have never been called to the principal’s office on the loudspeaker. …
Not even when I had to turn in the fedora.
(That was only a Hall Call.)
Mrs. Helferich is stunned by this surprising, ugly turn of events too. She hands me the hall pass, because if you don’t have a hall pass and you’re caught in the hall without having a hall pass, you’re going to have big trouble.
You have broken Rule #8:
You MUST Have a Hall Pass.
Since I’m already called over the loudspeaker, I don’t need any more trouble. I hold on to the hall pass and power walk to Mrs. Pappazian’s office. Does a hall pass work like a …
Get-out-of-Jail-Free Card?
Or does it mean …
Go Directly to the Office.
Do Not Pass Go.
Do Not Go to the Bathroom.
Is a fifth grader allowed in a second-grade girls’ bathroom … ?
Mrs. Katterman, the school secretary, is on the phone as I walk into the Main Office.
She waves me in behind the COUNTER .
Uh-oh. Nobody ever goes behind the COUNTER in the Main Office unless Mrs. Katterman waves you in. Or you have a brokennose. Mika Sanderberg got a broken nose when a volleyball hit her in the face during gym period.
The nurse wasn’t in school that day, so Mrs. Shulman, the gym teacher who is lucky because she gets to wear sweatpants every day, took Mika to the principal’s office. Mrs. Katterman waved her in behind the COUNTER immediately!
Mika told Venus and me all about it. Her nasal septum got smashed.
(Technically, that means the membrane thingie dividing her nostrils wasn’t ever going to be dividing anything again, unless she had an operation, which she did.)
Mika dripped blood on the COUNTER and also behind the COUNTER .
Having a broken nose and dripping real blood is the only reason I’ve ever heard of somebody getting waved behind Mrs. Katterman’s COUNTER .
Unless you are in really BIG trouble.
Mrs. Katterman is still on the phone.
“Well, yes, I will do that. …”
I’ve never noticed it before … but Mrs.Katterman has very big earlobes.
“Yes. Absolutely. I understand. I will get back to you shortly.”
I smile.
Mrs. Katterman doesn’t smile back.
She hangs up the phone.
She stares.
I clear my throat. Swallow. Whisper.
“I’m Zoey Zinevich.”
“ WHO? Speak up. Don’t garble. All you kids garble. Speak clearly when you’re spoken to.”
“I’m Zoey Zinevich.”
“Don’t raise your voice, young lady. Didn’t I call your name over the loudspeaker?”
I nod.
Not too big. Not too little. Just
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