Gang of One: One Man's Incredible Battle to Find His Missing Read Online Free PDF

eleven years old by then, he’d seemed so small, so fragile, as he boarded that plane to go home. That was the last time I’d seen him. So young, so innocent, so loving – it was all so unfair. His name was called first, being unescorted, and I walked him to the front of the British Airways check-in desk. The air stewardess smiled kindly at him and he turned to me, but didn’t raise his head. Getting taller but still a wee boy, he buried his head into my chest and held me extra tight. I tried desperately not to cry. I wanted to say something to him but I just couldn’t speak. I was too afraid my words would sound weak and that would frighten him more. I felt a small tremor run through him. Keeping his face pressed hard against me, he squeezed me harder still.
    ‘Hey, you’re getting much stronger there, kid,’ I said, in the daft American accent we sometimes played with, feigning shortness of breath. He laughed a little. I put my arms around him and lifted him up. His face rested into my neck and I could feel the wetness of his tears.
    ‘I love you, Calum. I love you more than life itself. Do you know that?’
    ‘Yes . . . Dad,’ he managed to say, squeezing me ever tighter. There were people milling around waiting to start boarding after Calum, but I didn’t want to let go of my son. I knew Troy, the lawyer sent to escort me to the airport, would give us as long as we needed. He wasn’t the most sentimental guy, but he understood the significance of this goodbye.
    I gently lowered Calum down and lifted his chin so I could see his beautiful face. His sadness was crushing me, but I knew I had to be strong for him. Especially now.
    ‘Listen to me, Calum. Look at me,’ I said as he tried to turn his head, embarrassed by his own tears.
    ‘Uh, huh . . .’ he mumbled as he looked right at me. God, he was so young. Too young to have to deal with this. My heart was breaking.
    ‘I promise you I will be back. I will come back to you, Calum, and I will be there to bring you up and to be your father, OK?’ I said as emphatically as I could muster.
    ‘Y . . . yes, Dad,’ he managed, before he pressed his face back into my chest.
    ‘I will come home to you, Calum. Nothing bad will happen and I will be back, I promise. I promise,’ I said in a whisper, hoping against hope that what I was saying was true.
    I rocked him back and forth for a few moments longer. He kept holding me tightly. After a few more seconds, his breathing began to ease. He had calmed down. I kissed him once more.
    ‘You have to go, my little man,’ I said. I held him out at arm’s length and he smiled at me.
    ‘I love you, Dad,’ he said, and picked up his rucksack.
    ‘I love you too, Calum,’ I said, suddenly feeling completely alone as he stepped away from me. Taking the air stewardess’s hand, he walked confidently down the tunnel to board the flight. With his little rucksack decorated with badges from all his trips, he looked so small and inconsequential. I wanted to run after him and wrap him up in my arms. Halfway down he turned again, more confident now. ‘Love you, Dad!’ he shouted, then made the little ‘call me’ sign we had played around with over the last week as he beamed his smile at me. I tried to shout back, but initially the words got caught. ‘Love . . . ahem . . . love you too, kid,’ my affected American accent sounding a little hollow as it bounced down the gangplank.
    The tears surged up.
    He was gone. I was alone.
    Despite having held up the boarding, no one had bothered us – no one had said anything. When I turned round, four or five people looked away. One lady in a blue dress just smiled at me and another younger woman was sniffling. I gave a weak smile as people cleared a way through for me. One suited businessman had stopped talking on his phone and was looking downwards as I approached. I could see the sympathy in so many of their faces and that upset me even more. Then I saw Troy. He was