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ballistic and started shouting that the man was an idiot. Now I knew why. He’d been taken over by a bug!
    Another face came up.
    â€˜That’s Pete Sullivan!’ Rosie sounded outraged. Pete Sullivan was, like, her all-time favourite singer. He was with this band called Death Metal that Mum didn’t like her listening to ’cos she said they were too violent.
    And great galloping grandmothers! That was the face of someone I’d seen on the telly. He’d just been chucked out for using bad language in front of half a million viewers.
    Oh, and that was the lady that was so mean to all the people that came on her show. Only last week she’d made someone cry.
    Different faces flashed on and off the screen. Some were famous. Some I didn’t know. But all of them, said the captain, had been taken over by bugs. And then…
    Then it happened.
    I catapulted backwards on my marshmallow. Rosie practically jumped right out of hers.
    â€˜I thought that would get your attention,’ said the captain.

Chapter Six
    I could feel my jaw dropping, and my mouth hanging open.
    â€˜It’s the Queen!’ The words came out in a kind of yelp. Was the captain really saying that the
Queen
had been taken over?
    Rosie was hugging herself, rocking to and fro. ‘Now I’ve heard everything … the Queen’s got a bug!’
    â€˜She can’t have,’ I said. There had to be some mistake. Bugs in Buckingham Palace? ‘How would it get past security?’
    â€˜All too easily,’ said the captain. ‘It’s more surprising how it got past the corgis. We’re working on the theory that they swamped the place with suicide bugs in the hope that just one would manage to get through without being eaten.’
    â€˜Oh, I love this,’ said Rosie.‘I love it, I love it!’
    I turned, rather desperately, to the captain.If even the Queen had been bugged, what hope was there for the rest of us?
    â€˜As of this moment,’ said the captain, ‘we don’t actually have any definite proof. But take it from me, we’re ninety-nine per cent certain. We’ve been keeping a very careful eye on her recent behaviour. You may remember, a few months ago, that the Queen was in a health scare? She had to cancel her engagements?’
    I nodded, doubtfully.
    â€˜I remember,’ said Rosie. ‘Mum said it wasn’t like her, but it was only to be expected ’cos, after all, she was getting on a bit.’
    â€˜In human terms,’ said the captain, ‘that is correct. The inhabitants of your planet do have extraordinarily short life spans. This, of course, is why you’re still so backward … you simply don’t live long enough to learn.’
    I could see Rosie start to bristle.
    â€˜It’s not your fault,’ said the captain, soothingly. ‘Your planet is still in its infancy. You have a lot of growing up to do. But yes, your mother is quite right, the Queen is no longer young and it is not surprising if she suffers the occasional ailment. On this occasion, however, there was nothing wrong whatsoever.You may be interested to learn that she spent three whole days sitting in bed playing computer games and eating what I believe you refer to as junk food – burgers and chips, and chicken nuggets?’

    I stared, goggle-eyed. The
Queen
? Eating chicken nuggets? In her
bedroom
?
    Rosie gave one of her shrill shrieks of laughter. The sort that makes Dad clap his hands to his ears. ‘Sounds a lot more fun than going round factories!’
    â€˜Yes; the bug obviously thought so. Just as last week it thought it would be fun to throw bread rolls at a banquet given for the Russian president.’
    â€˜We never heard about that,’ I said.
    â€˜You wouldn’t. The Palace kept it very quiet.’
    â€˜Maybe she’s just going loopy,’ said Rosie. ‘People do, when they get old.’
    â€˜Trust me,’ said