Funeral with a View Read Online Free PDF Page B

He went back to his hamburger.
    “Ricky, your mom is a
trip.” Catherine’s good humor returned having adequately cowed Bill. “I can’t
believe she was a Vegas show girl.”
    Ugh. Don’t remind me. You
were probably wondering where my mom’s liberal sexual attitude came from? Well
there you have it. Apparently what happens in Vegas does not always stay in
Vegas. I’m living proof of that. Long story short, Dad was on vacation, met my
mother, bedded my mother, love at first roll in the hay. She followed him back
to Jersey. The rest is history.
    “She’s not as bad as you made
her out to be.” Smiling, Catherine rested a hand on my knee.
    “She’s an acquired taste.
Sort of like ipecac syrup.” I nodded at Bill. “He’s used to her by now. It’s a
wonder she hasn’t jumped his bones yet. Ever see The Graduate ?”
    “What can I say? She has
good taste,” Bill said through a mouthful of chips. He took a sip of beer.
“Glen’s a nice guy. A bit weird looking, and sheepish around her, but hey,
that’s nothing new. Anyway,” he shrugged, “they seem to be really into each
other. Good for Beth.”
    “Speaking of meet and
greets,” Catherine chimed in, “I guess I’m going to have to introduce you to my
mom and dad and my sister sooner or later.”
    “Um,” Bill croaked. “I’m
gonna go get another beer. You guys, um, need anything?” He looked between the
two of us and stood.
    I held up an empty Newcastle.
    “No, thanks,” Catherine
said.
    “Right. Be back in a
few.”
    “What’s wrong with him?”
    I shrugged. “Who knows?
Maybe he’s still weirded out by the you-know-what?” As far as lies go it
sounded pretty plausible. I felt shitty for doing it, but I had no desire to
confess I’d dropped the dime and broke my promise to her.
    Satisfied, she gave my
hand a squeeze.

CHAPTER 9
     
     
     
     
    “Glen? Glen!”
    “Yes, Dear.”
    “Get ready to leave,
sweetie. It’s getting late”
    Once my mother was ready
to leave, that was it; argument was an exercise in futility.
    The sky had turned dark a
while ago and the bugs started their chorus. Things turned out to be more
pleasant than expected. Sure, plenty of laughs were had at my expense, mostly
from embarrassing stories my mom spun, but it was all in fun. With the aid of a
few beers, I’d joined in on the laughter. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
    Mom came in for a quick
and fierce goodbye hug.
    “C’mere, Baby Boy. I hope
I didn’t embarrass you too much?” She held me tight then, poised on tip-toes,
whispered in my ear. “And I’m sure you’re going to tell me what bug has crawled
up all your asses. Sometime soon, I hope?” I tensed. “Yes, I noticed it. The
three of you can’t hide shit from me.”
    I kept my trap shut as
she turned to Bill.
    “Come here, studly.” She locked
her fingers behind his neck and gave him a big kiss. “Nummy nummy. You take
care of yourself. Be good, but not too good.”
    “I gotta be who I gotta
be, Beth. I’m too much man to be anything else.”
    Mom laughed and smacked
his ass one last time.
    “And you,” she strutted
over to Catherine with her arms outstretched, “are a doll, and don’t ever let
anybody tell you any different, or they’ll have to deal with me.” They hugged.
“I’m trusting you to take care of my Richard. You can do that, can’t you?”
    Cat smiled. “I’ll make it
my sole purpose in life, Beth.”
    Glen shook hands with
Bill, then me, before rushing to catch up to my mother. She chatted about
something, arms flinging this way and that. If she didn’t take it easy on him,
the thin, bald guy would end up in an early grave. I didn’t envy him trying to
keep up with my mom.
    Bill helped Catherine in
the kitchen while I cleaned up the grill, and fifteen minutes later, I heard a
car door slam, followed by the rumble of a high-tuned sports car and loud
music. With a screech of tires, the car pulled out of the development.
    Back in the apartment,
Catherine