would like. Twin souls.'
'And the difficulty I have had to contend with has been to catch him at the psychological moment for getting him to sign on the dotted line. He's either been too plastered to hold a pen, or else in the grip of the sort of hangover which makes a man lose interest in everything except bicarb of soda. That's why it's such a terrific strategic move having got him to let me take him to Blandings. He won't find the same facilities there as in London.'
'And he won't be able to get away, when you corner him and start yelling about the broad Donaldson highroad.'
'Exactly. I had omitted to take that into my calculations. Well, I mustn't stand talking to you all the morning, young dogface. Where did you say the fixture was?'
'Brompton Road Registry Office. It's just beyond the Park Hotel.'
'And the kick-off is timed for—?'
'Twelve sharp.'
'Fine. That will give me nice time to sow the good seed with Aunt Dora and go to the jewel bin. Then a quick phone call to Tippy, telling him where and when to meet me, and I'll be with you.'
'Don't go dropping any incautious words to Mother.'
'My dear child! You know me. On the subject of your romance
I shall of course seal my lips completely. And when I seal my lips,' said
Freddie, 'they stay sealed.'
It was some twenty minutes later that he came out of Wiltshire House. When he did so, his face was grave and perplexed. The process of sowing the good seed with his aunt Dora had been attended by none of the success to which he had looked forward with such bright anticipation. True to his promise, he had sealed his lips regarding the forthcoming proceedings at the Brompton Road Registry Office, and it seemed to him that he might just as well have sealed them on the subject of dog biscuits.
To say that he had actually been given the sleeve across the windpipe by his relative would perhaps be too much. But he had found her in strange mood, her manner distrait and preoccupied and with more than a suggestion in it of wishing to be alone. The best he had been able to achieve had been an undertaking on her part that, if sent a free sample, she would give it a trial; and, as he returned to his headquarters after fulfilling his wife's commission and giving orders for Veronica's birthday present, he was realizing how those charmers must have felt who suffered from the sales resistance of the deaf adder.
Arrived at his rooms, he established telephonic communication with that haunt of the gilded rich, Barribault's Hotel in Brook Street, and asked to be connected with Mr Plimsoll. And presently a rather hoarse and roopy voice came to him over the wire, the voice of one who at no distant date has been wandering long and far across the hot sands.
'Hello?'
'What ho, Tippy. This is Freddie.'
'Oh, hello, Freddie. You caught me just in time. Another second, and I'd have been gone.'
'Where are you off to?'
'Going to see a doctor.'
Freddie cooed sympathetically.
'Feeling bad?'
'No, as a matter of fact I'm feeling extraordinarily well. Most amazingly well. You would be astounded if you knew how well I'm feeling. But a number of light pink spots appear to have sprouted on my chest. Have you ever had pink spots on your chest?'
'I don't think so.'
'It isn't a question of thinking. You've either got 'em or you haven't. There is no middle course. Mine are a curious rosy colour, like the first flush of the sky on a summer morning. I thought it might be as well to have the medicine man cock an eye at them. I never had measles as a child.'
'Why not?'
'Ah, that's what we would all like to know. I dare say, if the truth came out, it would rock civilization.'
'Well, can you meet me at twelve at the Brompton Road Registry Office? A pal of mine is getting married there.'
'Now, there's a sap's game, if you like. However, I hope he'll
be happy. I don't say he will, mind you. It's just a kindly hope. Okay. Brompton Road Registry Office, twelve o'clock.'
'It's near the Park Hotel.
'And the difficulty I have had to contend with has been to catch him at the psychological moment for getting him to sign on the dotted line. He's either been too plastered to hold a pen, or else in the grip of the sort of hangover which makes a man lose interest in everything except bicarb of soda. That's why it's such a terrific strategic move having got him to let me take him to Blandings. He won't find the same facilities there as in London.'
'And he won't be able to get away, when you corner him and start yelling about the broad Donaldson highroad.'
'Exactly. I had omitted to take that into my calculations. Well, I mustn't stand talking to you all the morning, young dogface. Where did you say the fixture was?'
'Brompton Road Registry Office. It's just beyond the Park Hotel.'
'And the kick-off is timed for—?'
'Twelve sharp.'
'Fine. That will give me nice time to sow the good seed with Aunt Dora and go to the jewel bin. Then a quick phone call to Tippy, telling him where and when to meet me, and I'll be with you.'
'Don't go dropping any incautious words to Mother.'
'My dear child! You know me. On the subject of your romance
I shall of course seal my lips completely. And when I seal my lips,' said
Freddie, 'they stay sealed.'
It was some twenty minutes later that he came out of Wiltshire House. When he did so, his face was grave and perplexed. The process of sowing the good seed with his aunt Dora had been attended by none of the success to which he had looked forward with such bright anticipation. True to his promise, he had sealed his lips regarding the forthcoming proceedings at the Brompton Road Registry Office, and it seemed to him that he might just as well have sealed them on the subject of dog biscuits.
To say that he had actually been given the sleeve across the windpipe by his relative would perhaps be too much. But he had found her in strange mood, her manner distrait and preoccupied and with more than a suggestion in it of wishing to be alone. The best he had been able to achieve had been an undertaking on her part that, if sent a free sample, she would give it a trial; and, as he returned to his headquarters after fulfilling his wife's commission and giving orders for Veronica's birthday present, he was realizing how those charmers must have felt who suffered from the sales resistance of the deaf adder.
Arrived at his rooms, he established telephonic communication with that haunt of the gilded rich, Barribault's Hotel in Brook Street, and asked to be connected with Mr Plimsoll. And presently a rather hoarse and roopy voice came to him over the wire, the voice of one who at no distant date has been wandering long and far across the hot sands.
'Hello?'
'What ho, Tippy. This is Freddie.'
'Oh, hello, Freddie. You caught me just in time. Another second, and I'd have been gone.'
'Where are you off to?'
'Going to see a doctor.'
Freddie cooed sympathetically.
'Feeling bad?'
'No, as a matter of fact I'm feeling extraordinarily well. Most amazingly well. You would be astounded if you knew how well I'm feeling. But a number of light pink spots appear to have sprouted on my chest. Have you ever had pink spots on your chest?'
'I don't think so.'
'It isn't a question of thinking. You've either got 'em or you haven't. There is no middle course. Mine are a curious rosy colour, like the first flush of the sky on a summer morning. I thought it might be as well to have the medicine man cock an eye at them. I never had measles as a child.'
'Why not?'
'Ah, that's what we would all like to know. I dare say, if the truth came out, it would rock civilization.'
'Well, can you meet me at twelve at the Brompton Road Registry Office? A pal of mine is getting married there.'
'Now, there's a sap's game, if you like. However, I hope he'll
be happy. I don't say he will, mind you. It's just a kindly hope. Okay. Brompton Road Registry Office, twelve o'clock.'
'It's near the Park Hotel.
Similar Books
Ember
K.T. Fisher
Scandalous
Missy Johnson
Sword Play
Clayton Emery
Sips of Blood
Mary Ann Mitchell
Bad Friends
Claire Seeber
TRACE EVIDENCE: The Hunt for the I-5 Serial Killer
Bruce Henderson
Vampires
Charles Butler
Foreign Tongue
Vanina Marsot
Page from a Tennessee Journal (AmazonEncore Edition)
Francine Thomas Howard