little white clouds. I really could’ve skipped the run this morning, but I needed to get out and get my muscles moving.
I needed to run.
The burn in my muscles and the cold air worked as one hell of a brain cleaner, but the sour shit was still in my stomach and that had nothing to do with the alcohol I drank last night.
I should’ve fucking known better.
Sydney was always obsessively early. Today would’ve been no different. It all stemmed from the fourth grade when she’d gotten to school late and had to walk into the classroom by herself. Everyone had been staring at her when she’d tripped and dropped her rainbow-colored Trapper Keeper. The class bully—Kris Henry—had laughed at her, which had gotten half the class laughing.
I’d punched him for it. Got called to the principal’s office for that, but it had been so worth it to knock that doughboy on his ass. God, just thinking about it made me want to punch Kris Henry again.
And I wanted to punch myself in the nuts, while I was at it, for this morning.
The last thing I wanted Sydney to do was witness the walk of shame. Wasn’t the first time, but every time it happened I swore it would be the last time. Except there never was a last time.
Rounding the city block, I crossed over to the small park and moved onto the grass. My mind went in a really weird direction. When I’d first met Syd, my life was nothing like it was now. My mom and dad could barely make ends meet running the bar they’d bought. Food stamps were what’d put food on the table and my clothes had been bought at the local Goodwill. As twisted as it was, it was only after my father passed away when I was in middle school that the bar had taken off.
A fucking car accident had stolen his life, and he’d never gotten to see their dreams fulfilled.
Mom invested his life insurance in the restoration business. Now she had money and an insanely successful business, and I’d been prepped to take it over, but you could put my ass in brand new sneakers, designer jeans, and a new car, and I still was the same white trash boy from the trailer park who couldn’t believe the pretty little girl in class wanted to be friends.
My head went in an even weirder direction. I thought about the time I’d climbed the tree to get into her bedroom. She’d been sick with mono and our parents had been keeping us apart for obvious reasons, but I’d been worried about her. Syd had always been small and I’d felt like I needed to take care of her.
I’d fallen out of the damn tree that day and nearly broken my leg.
Our parents didn’t try to keep us separated after that, and it hadn’t mattered, because a week later I ended up with mono, anyway. But she had been so happy when I finally got my dumb ass in her bedroom. Even as sick as she’d been, when she saw me her smile lit up her face and her blue eyes sparkled and shit.
I’d always been a sucker for her eyes.
And it had always been like that. Year after year, when she saw me, she always smiled and her eyes would get so bright and so blue, I couldn’t help but find them beautiful. So seeing her look disappointed when some random girl stumbled out of my apartment was killer.
Man, I’d fucked up this morning. One fuck-up among hundreds, if not thousands, and each time I was scared shitless that it would be the last time. That she would get fed up with me—with the girls, the partying, the whatever—discover that she was a thousand times better off without me, and walk out of my life.
And it was going to happen eventually. I knew it.
Circling the park, I picked up speed as I avoided the patches of ice. Sydney was perfect—the actual embodiment of the perfect woman. She was practically pristine and fresh. She was untouchable.
She was everything to me.
I’d spent the better part of my life trying not to fuck up for Syd, and yet somehow failing miserably. I’d seen the look in Syd’s eyes when Mindy came out of the bathroom this morning and I
I needed to run.
The burn in my muscles and the cold air worked as one hell of a brain cleaner, but the sour shit was still in my stomach and that had nothing to do with the alcohol I drank last night.
I should’ve fucking known better.
Sydney was always obsessively early. Today would’ve been no different. It all stemmed from the fourth grade when she’d gotten to school late and had to walk into the classroom by herself. Everyone had been staring at her when she’d tripped and dropped her rainbow-colored Trapper Keeper. The class bully—Kris Henry—had laughed at her, which had gotten half the class laughing.
I’d punched him for it. Got called to the principal’s office for that, but it had been so worth it to knock that doughboy on his ass. God, just thinking about it made me want to punch Kris Henry again.
And I wanted to punch myself in the nuts, while I was at it, for this morning.
The last thing I wanted Sydney to do was witness the walk of shame. Wasn’t the first time, but every time it happened I swore it would be the last time. Except there never was a last time.
Rounding the city block, I crossed over to the small park and moved onto the grass. My mind went in a really weird direction. When I’d first met Syd, my life was nothing like it was now. My mom and dad could barely make ends meet running the bar they’d bought. Food stamps were what’d put food on the table and my clothes had been bought at the local Goodwill. As twisted as it was, it was only after my father passed away when I was in middle school that the bar had taken off.
A fucking car accident had stolen his life, and he’d never gotten to see their dreams fulfilled.
Mom invested his life insurance in the restoration business. Now she had money and an insanely successful business, and I’d been prepped to take it over, but you could put my ass in brand new sneakers, designer jeans, and a new car, and I still was the same white trash boy from the trailer park who couldn’t believe the pretty little girl in class wanted to be friends.
My head went in an even weirder direction. I thought about the time I’d climbed the tree to get into her bedroom. She’d been sick with mono and our parents had been keeping us apart for obvious reasons, but I’d been worried about her. Syd had always been small and I’d felt like I needed to take care of her.
I’d fallen out of the damn tree that day and nearly broken my leg.
Our parents didn’t try to keep us separated after that, and it hadn’t mattered, because a week later I ended up with mono, anyway. But she had been so happy when I finally got my dumb ass in her bedroom. Even as sick as she’d been, when she saw me her smile lit up her face and her blue eyes sparkled and shit.
I’d always been a sucker for her eyes.
And it had always been like that. Year after year, when she saw me, she always smiled and her eyes would get so bright and so blue, I couldn’t help but find them beautiful. So seeing her look disappointed when some random girl stumbled out of my apartment was killer.
Man, I’d fucked up this morning. One fuck-up among hundreds, if not thousands, and each time I was scared shitless that it would be the last time. That she would get fed up with me—with the girls, the partying, the whatever—discover that she was a thousand times better off without me, and walk out of my life.
And it was going to happen eventually. I knew it.
Circling the park, I picked up speed as I avoided the patches of ice. Sydney was perfect—the actual embodiment of the perfect woman. She was practically pristine and fresh. She was untouchable.
She was everything to me.
I’d spent the better part of my life trying not to fuck up for Syd, and yet somehow failing miserably. I’d seen the look in Syd’s eyes when Mindy came out of the bathroom this morning and I
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