Forever & an Engine Read Online Free PDF

I’m still very unhappy about.’
    ‘Gabe do we
have to do this now? We’ve been having such a lovely day.’
    ‘There’s
always some damn excuse with you Mia, last night I wanted to talk and you said
“not tonight” so I let it slide, I let you enjoy yourself and forget it.’
    ‘Can’t we
forget it now, I don’t want to ruin the weekend Gabe.’
    ‘So when?
Five minutes before you go in for surgery so you can cut me off again?’ He’d
changed from playful to serious in the space of a minute and I sighed again.
    ‘That’s
unfair Gabe, it was a bad time for you, you needed to focus.’
    ‘Where you’re
concerned it’s never a bad time. I was bloody furious with you.’
    ‘I’ll try
and remember to make you more angry in future then, as you won your races and
set a personal best,’ I smiled, but saw from the look on his face that it wasn’t
the time. ‘Ok I’m sorry, I won’t cut you off again like that. It was just a lot
to take in and I wasn’t ready to talk, I needed time to process it all myself.’
    ‘So you’ve
had time now, talk, we’ve nothing to do, nowhere to go.’
    ‘What do
you want me to say?’
    ‘Tell me if
you’re worried, upset, scared. I don’t know bloody Mia,’ he sighed, frustration
oozing from every pore. ‘That’s why I need you to tell me how you’re feeling
about it.’
    ‘What’s the
point me worrying? It is what it is. I can’t do anything to change what’s wrong
with me. I just have to hope that the operation goes ok and that they can help.’
    ‘So these
stabbing pains are from the cysts in your ovaries?’
    ‘She thinks
so yes.’
    ‘And it’s
the endometriosis that’s messed up your insides and gives you the painful
periods?’
    ‘Yes,’ I
said, looking at him puzzled. ‘How do you know all this?’
    ‘I spent
some of my four hour taxi ride home on Friday googling the bloody conditions as
you wouldn’t take the time to explain them to me,’ he responded with a look
that clearly told me how annoyed he still was with me about it. ‘So she’s going
to knock you out and put a couple of holes in your stomach and have a look
inside?’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘I also
read that they can try and drain the cysts and do some repair work?’
    ‘Yes and
then we’ll discuss the treatment options when she knows more.’
    ‘Will it
stop you from having children?’
    ‘I don’t really
know, she mentioned it could cause infertility but I didn’t ask.’
    ‘Why not?’
    ‘It didn’t
seem important,’ I shrugged.
    ‘Why wouldn’t
it be important?’
    ‘Because
I’m not really bothered whether I can or not,’ I mumbled, knowing I’d probably
get the usual bad reaction I got to that statement.
    ‘You don’t
want children?’ He asked and I could hear the shock in his voice. I knew it,
everyone reacted that way when I was asked that question. I looked at him as I
sighed, but he was looking down and playing with his fingers.
    ‘No not
really, I’ve never been into playing with dolls or getting all gushy at the
sight of babies. I just don’t think I’ve got the maternal gene.’ There was a
lengthy uncomfortable silence and he remained head down. ‘Gabe, why won’t you
look at me?’
    ‘I’m just a
bit taken aback that’s all,’ he said as glanced up at me, rubbed his mouth with
his hand and looked away again. Everyone thought I was abnormal that I didn’t
want kids, why did I expect that he would have reacted differently?
    ‘Sorry to
shatter the illusion that all women want to do is settle down and squirt out
one sprog after another, but not all of us are like that,’ I said feeling
annoyed.
    ‘No, you’ve
made that quite clear.’ I could hear a hint of annoyance in his voice too.
    ‘Meaning?’
    ‘You said
you didn’t want to settle down yet, I just assumed that at some stage you’d want
to and you’d want to have kids.’
    ‘No.’ Shit
where was he going with this? This wasn’t a topic I ever wanted to discuss, let
alone this early