Forever...: a novel Read Online Free PDF Page B

to act … ever since I can remember."

    "You mean for real … professionally?"
    "Yeah … it's tough to get started but I'm going to give it a try."
    "I think you're going to make it."
    "I hope you're right … where's my buddy?"
    "Over there … talking to Erica … "
    "Hey … " Artie called, motioning for Michael and Erica to join us. This time Michael didn't reach for my hand.
    I watched and waited all night for some secret look to pass between Elizabeth and Michael but as far as I could tell nothing happened and when we finally got around to talking she was just plain friendly and even said that she remembered me from New Year's Eve, which only made me feel worse. The party was still going strong when Michael said, "Let's get out of here."
    "Why … aren't you having a good time?" I asked.
    "Not especially … are you?"
    I didn't answer. I went upstairs to get my coat and sulked all the way home. Michael didn't say a word. He didn't even look my way.
    When we got to my house I unlocked the front door. "Are you coming in?" I asked him.
    "Do you want me to?"
    "If you want," I said, like it really didn't matter.
    "It's up to you," he answered.
    "Don't do me any favors." As if I hadn't been waiting all night to be alone with him. I stepped into the foyer.
    Michael followed me. We took off our coats. "Did I do something … is that it?" he finally asked.
    "No."
    "Then what?"
    "Oh, I don't know … just everything … thinking about you and Elizabeth … "
    "You're jealous?" he asked.
    "Maybe that's it … I'm not sure."

    "That's why you've been such a bitch all night?"
    "I guess."
    He started to laugh. "I didn't know you were the jealous type."
    "I'm not!" But as soon as I said it I realized how dumb it sounded and I laughed too.
    "Hey … I dreamed about you last night," Michael said.
    "What was I like?"
    "Very sexy … "
    I took his hand and we went into the den. "I'm sorry I was such an ass tonight."
    "Forget it," he said. "It's nice to know you care. Just promise me one thing … "
    "What?"
    "From now on we're honest with each other. If something's bothering you, say it, and I'll do the same … agreed?"
    "Agreed."
    "Good."
    We lay down on our rug and after a while, when Michael reached under my skirt I didn't stop him, not then and not when his hand was inside my underpants.
    "I want you so much," he said.
    "I want you too," I told him, "but I can't … I'm not ready, Michael … "
    "Yes, you are … you are … I can feel how ready you are."
    "No … " I pushed his hand away and sat up. "I'm talking about mentally ready."
    "Mentally ready," Michael repeated.
    "Yes."
    "How does a person get mentally ready?" he asked.
    "A person has to think … a person has to be sure … "
    "But your body says you want to … "
    "I have to control my body with my mind."
    "Oh, shit … " Michael said.

    "It's not easy for me either."
    "I know … I know … " He put his arm around me. "Look … we can satisfy each other without the whole thing … "
    "We will … soon … "
    "If I didn't know better I'd think you were a tease."
    "I'd never tease you."
    "Yeah … I know that too."
    "You want me to be honest, right?"
    "Uh-huh."
    "Well … the thing is … I don't know exactly how to do it … satisfy you, I mean."
    "It's the easiest thing in the world," Michael said, loosening his belt.
    "Not now … " I told him.
    "When?"
    "Soon, but not tonight."
    "Promises … promises .. ."
    After Michael went home and I was in bed, trying to fall asleep, I thought about making love with him—the whole thing, like he said. Would I make noises like my mother? I can always tell when my parents are making love because they shut their bedroom door after they think Jamie and I are asleep. It's hard not to listen. My room is right next to theirs. Sometimes I'll hear them laughing softly and other times my mother will let out these little moans or call Roger . .. Roger.. . Even though I know it's natural and I'm glad my parents love each other I can't help