Forbidden To Say No - The Billionaire's Plaything (An Erotic Romance Novel) Read Online Free PDF Page B

what the fuck happened? You know, it's not that I'm disgusted, or even ashamed of what just happened. On the contrary; I'm frustrated .
    I charge out of the building, ignoring the judgmental eyes of the receptionist as I leave, and pace directly to my car. I need clarity here. I need to be washed clean of the sickly aspersions and dirtied, worrisome waters that alluring bastard left me in. I need a spot of soul-searching.
     
     
    Chapter Four
     
     
    As soon as I brush past the door, the smell of stale beer makes my head spin. My hardened nipples chafe against the inner wires of my bra as I replay the morning's events in my mind, and alcohol won't anesthetize the pain. No, what I want is validation .
    "Hey, guys," I announce, strolling up to a table of college-age--looking guys, before pulling a chair out from underneath and perching my elbows upon it. They each turn to me one by one, wordlessly studying my face and figure. Emboldened and empowered by a strange sense of vigor, I'm not to be perturbed: "Is today your lucky day?"
    They stare at me blankly. For a moment, I worry that I've come across a table of European exchange students, fresh off the plane with not a word of English between them, before one of them - small beady eyes and thin lips - puts his hand to his chin, and finally answers me.
    "Uhm," he says, looking over to his friends for a moment, and then turning back to me with suspicious eyes. "I erm, don't know?"
    I cross my arms, sighing deeply, before looking back to them.
    "Today is the day you get to fuck me."
    That's how I'd imagine it would go down. But back to reality I go...
     
    ***
     
    I haven't even left the car. The engine's off, and my hand is on the door handle, but I know fully well that I'm not getting out. Would I have the confidence and self-important self esteem to randomly proposition someone? Hell no. Would I even be able to command that sort of control over someone? Hell no .
    For the first time in my life, I was that close . For the first time I wasn't obscured by my own dumb anxieties and worries. For the first time someone had the opportunity to take everything away from me; my power, my control, my nerves, my worries, my virginity .
    Maybe I should have gone to college after all. Maybe then, being a twenty-two year old virgin wouldn't seem like such a blight over my head. I could have just gotten it over with; lost it to some squirrelly frat-boy, and lifted the great curse that guards the temple. I wish I could be different. I wish, just for one moment, that I could leave this body and jump into one of the characters I know so well. I wish I could give everything up, and be - I don't know - powerless ?
    I start the car back up, and begin the gridlocked journey home. It’s almost lunch-time, but I'm in no mood to eat. I just want to get back, throw myself into bed, and put myself in a slumber so deep I can forget about all of this. The audition that got so close . The man who dared to undress me ...
     
     
    Chapter Five
     
     
    The only thing I hear is the high-pitched and incessant whine of Carissa's voice, occupying some frequency that only dogs and my own self can hear. Laughing, gasping, shouting, screaming. I fucking hate it when she has friends over. Sure; I'm a hypocrite. I do my own share of laughing and joking and shouting and screaming. But at least I have the decency to be reading them from a script.
    I clutch the pillow to my face, trying my hardest to blot out every one of my senses in this world, and failing entirely. She truly has a voice that can cut glass. My voice , but still. I throw the pillow to the floor, and open my eyes to the brightness of the afternoon one more time; shafts of dust-speckled light piercing through the blinds, and the familiar orange glow of the California Sun outside, neither of which is doing anything to enhance my mood. Suddenly, I hear Carissa's droning voice coming to an abrupt stop. I'm in peace again .
    Knock, knock-knock.
    "Chlo, why