were the words the policeman said to me as I bounced on his shoulder, pounding my fists ineffectually against his back.
“It's too late, honey,” he said, his own voice choked. “She's gone.”
As I told the story to Matt, striving to keep my voice as calm and matter-of-fact as possible, I nevertheless remembered the smells, the sounds, the emotions that had raged through me. I remember the acrid stench of the smoke as it consumed the furniture, releasing a pungent scent of a myriad of chemicals into the air, the wood framework and ceiling supports, reminded me of campfires over which my sister and I had made S’mores, laughing hysterically. I remember the sound of the water gushing through the fire hoses, the sound of shattering glass, the squawks of the communications systems of the police cars, fire engines, and then the comforting words of the policeman as he carried me out to the curb, sat me down, and watched over me until the ambulance took me away to the hospital.
I finished my tale, not realizing it until I looked up at Matt again that I could barely see him through the burning tears in my eyes. My throat ached as I held back my pain. He gently swiped a finger along my cheek, wiping away the traces of my ever-lingering grief. Then, without saying a word, he leaned close and brushed his lips against mine, so soft and sweet that I felt like weeping all over again.
His lips left mine and then touched each of my eyelids, and then my cheeks, literally kissing away my tears. The gesture touched my heart more deeply than anything had in my entire life.
“I'm sorry, Jesse,” he murmured. “I'm so sorry…”
I said nothing. What was there to say? Still, I felt different. I had never talked about that night, not even to the therapist the courts had ordered my aunt and uncle to take me to after they took me to their house after the fire. I hadn’t even spoken about it to my grandparents after I’d been sent to live with them.
Still, that night was not the last of my brush with fire. Only a year later, right after I graduated from high school, I lost my best friend to yet another fire. I didn't understand it, and realized only after several months of beating myself up that I had no power over certain things in my life. Since that night, I resolved to dedicate my life to helping others.
Yes, I had faced tragedy, not once, but twice before I even reached my twentieth birthday. Looking back, I had to admit that it was those very tragedies that shaped who I was today. I knew Matt understood, although I didn't know exactly why I felt that way. I just sensed it.
It only took seconds for me to begin responding to his kisses. Perhaps it was nothing more than the will to reaffirm life, especially after this morning, when I very well could have lost my own if it hadn’t been for Matt. I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him back with the same passion with which he kissed me. Suddenly, he broke off the kiss, staring down at me in the ever increasing darkness. I saw the flash of a smile.
“Come with me,” he said.
He opened his door and then reached his hand out for me. I scooted along the bench seat and out of the truck through his door. I had no idea what he had in mind, but at this point, I was ready to follow him anywhere. Life was precious. I knew that not only because of my own background, but because of what I saw in the emergency room every day. Sometimes, you had to throw caution to the wind, live life to the fullest. I didn't expect anything from Matt, but for this moment, I was willing to accept his comfort.
He led me around to the back of the truck and opened the tailgate. Then he reached down and wrapped his hands around my waist, lifting me into the bed of the truck. It was lined with a soft liner like the stuff they put under playground equipment these days.
“Scoot back,” he directed. I did as he hopped into the bed of the truck and then closed the tailgate behind him.
We sat side by side for a