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wouldn’t be mad at you if you went east or northwest. Or to the moon. Pick the best college you can.”
    “Can you cope financially?” Agnes said.
    “The lawsuit money went into your college funds. It will last for you, Britta, and Dana, I’m sure.”
    “And Charles?”
    “If he continues like this, he’ll be allowed to skip college, and they’ll simply throw the Nobel Prize at him to shut him up.”
    “The Nobel Prize is a medal,” Agnes argued.
    “Maybe they can attach it to a brick?”
    “No, seriously, is it enough for all four of us?”
    Rick shrugged. “No, but again, with Charles’s skills, I am sure that he is full-scholarship material. And I am sure with your grades, you’ll also be able to apply for scholarships. And don’t forget, Dana’s college is fifteen years out. A lot can happen before then.”
    They watched Fallon sitting down after the first break, stopping the Roots with a twitch of his finger. “Hey, everybody, I don’t know if you watched the Women’s Spirit Award. To clarify, that award is not about alcohol, although half of the ladies present were wrongly informed and left early.”
    Big laugh.
    “It went, well deserved, to Madge Hardy. Great thing, yeah. We all love her. The laudation was done by none other than Louise Waters. And Louise didn’t pick Madge’s best spirited roles; no, she picked her most horrendous roles. It was very funny, seeing Madge Hardy in such classics as Wet T-shirt 4: Bring Out the Soakers . . .” A very young Madge Hardy appeared onscreen with a Super Soaker gun in her hand, strategically placed over her wet white T-shirt with a stupid grin. “And of course, Slouch: The Couch Monster .” The studio audience roared with laughter.
    “ Wet T-shirt 4 , I missed that one,” Rick said. “I saw the first installment with Hal in a midnight double feature, completely wasted, together with Surf Nazis Must Die .”
    “Dad!” Agnes said, shocked.
    “Come on, you must have been young once,” Rick teased her.
    Fallon continued. “Those sins of youth! Such is the power of the Internet. We are so against the right to forget. But, listen, we think that Louise Waters was pretty unfair to Madge. We decided to avenge Madge, who is a great friend of our show, while Louise has never been here, actually. Too famous for TV. We know where our allegiance lies! And in retaliation, we have collected some of Louise’s most spirited performances. Here is the Late Show ’s Spirited Revenge Award to Louise Waters. Let’s have a look.”
    Three minutes later Rick and Agnes were laughing tears. A collection of bad acting, cheesy movies, and bloopers. Best for last was Louise’s first professional job in front of a camera, a commercial for braces cleaner tabs featuring a seventeen-year-old, freckled, chubby, unrecognizable Louise, with, yes, thick braces in her mouth.
    “Shendlingsh shtabsh, shey work magshick.” Young Louise smiled a big metal-toothy smile into the camera. Cutting to the next commercial break, the Roots went into “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”
    “That was epic,” Rick said and yawned. “Even though, you could pity Louise Waters. She is a great actress.”
    “Go to bed, Dadster,” Agnes said and got up. “Tomorrow’s your big day! Josh Hancock waits for you!”
    “The man, the legend!” Rick yawned again and got up. “Last one turns out the light and checks one last time for monsters under Dana’s bed.”

Louise
    Her home phone and her cell phone both rang ten seconds after a young Louise had smiled a big metal-toothy smile into the camera and the nation had been reminded that Shendlingsh shtabsh indeed had worked magshick in the nineties.
    Louise opened her eyes again and saw the Roots starting up “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” She picked up her agent’s call first.
    “Fantastic! That was brilliant. Your videos will go viral—both the roast and also the Fallon piece. Awesome. You’ll reach new target groups. Speaking of which, I