Firsts Read Online Free PDF Page B

back, but I could see her staring into the mirror at her own reflection. “I’m making Tommy wear one next weekend,” she said.
    “Wait. You’re doing it next weekend? Don’t do it, Jill. Wait till you’re married or something.”
    “I don’t know if I’ll ever get married. But Tommy and I have been together for ages. I trust him. I’ll be safe, Annie.”
    I heard the hesitation in her voice, but I’m not sure Annalise did, because she just broke into a fresh fit of tears.
    I stayed in the stall long after they left the bathroom, so long that both of my feet fell asleep and I forgot about meeting Angela for lunch. I couldn’t stop thinking about Jillian for the rest of the day. I had a nagging feeling that I would play some sort of role in her story. I didn’t know Jillian, but I knew I didn’t want her to end up like Annalise.
    The next week, Annalise was pulled from school. I guess she was right about her mother putting her in a special school for pregnant fuckups. She went from anonymous to the most whispered-about student at school overnight. And while everyone was busy talking about Annalise, I figured out what I wanted to do. Or, who I wanted to do.
    Tommy Hudson.
    It was easy. I waited until after class and trailed him into the photography darkroom, alone. I pretended I was interested in the pictures he was developing, which were all of Jillian. I asked him about her, read his tense facial expressions and noticed the way his hand shook just a little when the topic of sex entered the equation.
    “I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” he said. “I guess it’s not like I can talk to the guys about it. They’d call me a pussy and tell me to just bang her and get it over with. And I can’t talk to my folks. They’d freak out and try to homeschool me.” He hung his head and chewed his lower lip.
    “What if I had an idea to help you get rid of your anxiety?” I said.
    “I’d owe you, big time,” he said.
    And I gave him my address and told him to meet me there the next night. I didn’t tell him what I planned to do or give him any more information. I don’t know if he had a clue, and I didn’t even know if he would show up. I spent a long time on my hair and makeup that day, trying to make myself into Tommy’s dream girl, even though I lack Jillian’s long legs and tiny waist. For the first time, I was glad Kim had bought me a matching bra and underwear set for my birthday every year since I turned thirteen. And when Tommy rang the doorbell, I took him up to my bedroom without saying a word. I was nervous, but I didn’t want him to know that. I wore my hair down for a reason. The loose waves covered my trembling shoulders and gave the impression of a level head.
    “Guide yourself,” I said as I lay underneath him. “This is your turn to take the lead. Don’t make her do it.” I pulled him closer to me, watched his eyes widen and his lips tremble slightly.
    Tommy took direction perfectly. When I told him to use his hands to cup my face, he did it and added a kiss on my forehead. When I let him know that he bit my neck too hard, he left tiny kisses over the bite. He listened to everything I said and put his own spin on it. As his confidence grew, so did mine. I told him to make eye contact and smile, not manically but sweetly. He responded by holding my gaze and remembering to blink.
    It might have been the longest and most vocal two minutes of my life.
    Afterward, I could practically see the tension removed from him, the way he seemed to stand taller when he put his shirt back on. I helped him plan a dream date for Jillian, a night she would never forget, starting with her favorite flowers—carnations—and ending with a candlelight dinner and the perfect first time.
    “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you,” Tommy said before he left, hugging me at the front door just a little bit too tight.
    “Just make it special for her,” I said with a smile.
    He turned around