Fight or Flight Read Online Free PDF Page B

course I am. I know I don’t talk about your father much, Kels, but I do remember. I want you to feel that way.”
    “I do. And Mom, don’t worry. We’re gonna practice safe sex, double protection, and everything. I know I’m not his first, we’ve talked about it, and we’re both going to get tested for AIDS just in case, because we want to start our life together pure and honest.”
    Regan squeezed her eyes shut as Kelsey rambled on. Could any mother hear about her daughter having sex, even safe sex, and talking about AIDS, even in a responsible manner, without this pain in the chest? She was proud of her, so proud, and yet it hurt more than anything ever had.
    “I think Van is having an influence on you.”
    That stopped Kelsey, and she laughed. “I’m rambling, huh? It’s not like me.”
    “No, but I’m not complaining. I love to hear what’s happening up there.”
    “Mom, I’m really happy. Thank you.”
    “For what?”
    “For being so brave.”
    Regan blinked. “I’m not brave, Kels.”
    “Yes, you are. You’ve been afraid my whole life. I don’t know why, but I know how deep it goes. But you never held me back. And you let me go, when I know it couldn’t have been easy for you. I just wanted you to know I understand and I appreciate it.”
    As she hung up the phone a few minutes later, Regan wondered what the hell she had done to deserve such an awesome kid. She could have rebelled harder against her mother’s protectiveness, could have acted out and done dangerous things. Could have hated Regan for not fully explaining her fears, especially when she’d never seen evidence of the danger. Maybe it really was time for her to—
    A squealing, hissing sound penetrated her thoughts. Like gas escaping through a tight valve. She spun, looking for the source. She checked the windows, then hurried to the screen door. She couldn’t see anything. She was about to run out to the hall when Alan stepped in front of her.
    “What’s wrong?” He had been leaning against the counter, patiently waiting for her to finish talking to Kelsey. Now he gripped her upper arms. “What’s the matter?”
    “That noise. I hear—” She looked toward the stove, flushing. It was the eggs. As the temperature changed in the pot, so did the pressure, making them squeal. “Never mind.”
    “Honey.” He stepped closer and put his hands on her shoulders. “Sweetheart, you need to let go. You are wound far too tight. I don’t know what happened to make you like this, but you have to stop. It’s too much stress. Can’t you believe you’re safe? From whatever you’re afraid of?”
    She looked up at him, finally sensing the truth of his question in her gut. Scott’s warning that they were in danger had been true. The attempted kidnapping right after Kelsey was born proved that. But she didn’t know for sure what had caused them to be in danger, and the eighteen years without another attempt was pretty good evidence the danger had passed.
    Maybe it was time for her to let go.
    She switched off the burner, took Alan’s hand and led him without a word through the tiny house to the bedroom. Ignored the open back door and unset alarm. Sent as clear a message as she could without actually saying the words.
    “Oh, baby,” Alan breathed as she shut the bedroom door behind him. He took her face in his hands and kissed her reverently. Her brain, her body, resisted for one more moment, then released her.
    It wasn’t like a storybook. She didn’t burst into flames and passion didn’t overcome her. She couldn’t get lost in his kisses. But he was tender and gave her all the time and attention she needed. She came in a long, slow, sweet rolling orgasm that catapulted Alan into his, and they dozed, cuddling.
    She thought about how she hadn’t allowed herself this before, this complete package of comfort and pleasure. Why had she let the bad guys steal a large part of her life, just by keeping her afraid? She wondered what it