Fearless Hope: A Novel Read Online Free PDF Page B

“Daisy . . .”
    She pushed his little hand away. “ Nah schtopes! Stop it!”
    He recoiled and looked at her with startled eyes. His lower lip trembled and he crawled off the bed and ran into the kitchen. She could hear him sobbing and she hated herself for her momentary show of impatience.
    With Adam crying and Carrie looking like she was about to start, plus her cow bawling to be milked, all she wanted was to give up. She wasn’t ill, she was just so tired! Tears welled up in her own eyes. All she could think about was Titus and how desperately she missed him. The anger at him that had gotten her through the first days after his death had leaked away, leaving her as lifeless and limp as a busted balloon.
    And then God sent an angel.
    She heard the front door open and a familiar voice comforting Adam in the kitchen, then . . .
    “ Vas ist letz? What is wrong in this house?” Claire burst into Hope’s bedroom with Adam in her arms, his face buried in her shoulder, and his shoulders shaking as he sobbed.
    “ Musht hilve? Do you need help? I bring an apple pie over, and find this baby upset, your cow in pain, and you still in bed.”
    “I didn’t hear your buggy,” Hope said.
    “No wonder, with all the racket inside and out. Are you ill?”
    “No.”
    “Then you are giving in to your grief. That will never do. You’re stronger than this.” Her aunt’s gaze was sympathetic but her voice was no-nonsense. “You cannot let yourself give in to it. You know that, right?”
    “I’m tired.”
    “I don’t care.” Claire’s voice cracked like a buggy whip over her head. “You may not stay in bed, no matter how bad your heart aches. You must get up. You must take care of your home.A mother must care for her children. It is the only way. You do not have a choice. You may not give into this. Get out of that bed right this instant!”
    A strangled moan came from the barn. Daisy was in real pain.
    “And to let a poor animal suffer like that!” Claire clucked her tongue. “That is not like you. I will go tend to Daisy. You get dressed. Do you hear me?”
    “Ja .” Hope glanced away, thoroughly ashamed of herself. “I hear.”
    Claire sat Adam on the bed and held out her arms to comfort Carrie, who flew into them. The little girl’s arms clung tightly to her great-aunt’s neck as they left the room together.
    “I’m sorry, Adam.” Hope gathered him to her. He stopped crying the minute she started to rock him in her arms. With Claire milking Daisy in the barn, the cow stopped bawling, too.
    Hope, however, was still in pain, trying to absorb the full sting of her aunt’s anger, and yet who better to pass judgment? Claire had also been widowed. She had somehow risen above her grief and begun making a living as a midwife for her family. Now she was known far and wide for her skill. No Amish or Mennonite woman in the Mt. Hope area wanted to give birth without Claire at their side. If anyone had earned the right to criticize a woman lying abed from grief, it was Aunt Claire.
    Hope obeyed her aunt. She rose and got dressed.
    A half hour later, Claire came into the house and Hope heard her straining the milk. Then she heard her open and close the refrigerator, putting the fresh milk inside. A few seconds later she heard her washing out the milk pail and answering Carrie’s chatty questions. Hope finished pinning her hair up, positioned her prayer Kapp on her head, and went out to face her.
    “Are you feeling better?” Claire asked as Hope entered the kitchen.
    “Ja.”
    “Good!” Her aunt nodded approvingly and began slicing the pie she had brought. “Then perhaps you have an appetite?”
    It was healing to have her aunt fuss over her. The pie was delicious.
    “What are your plans for the day?” Claire asked.
    “Plans?”
    “Before I leave here, I want to know that you have plans to do something besides go back to bed. Maybe something you and the children could enjoy together?”
    “Like what?”