Fear No Evil Read Online Free PDF Page B

his face as he lit up.
    ‘You knew I was going to say that, didn’t you?’ I asked.
    ‘Yep. Because if they had been flakes or hippies, you wouldn’t have looked twice at it. And I also suspect that deep down you believe them, and you find that worrying in case it means you might be deluded too. Am I right?’
    He blew a small cloud of smoke out and it immediately drifted off on the breeze, disappearing up to the tips of the conifers that were touching the sky. Yes, he was right. But I’d be buggered if I was going to admit it. Self-doubt is like hot chocolate fudge-cake – best consumed alone.
    ‘What was her name?’ he asked, after a beat of silence. He looked sad and angry and determined all at the same time. I suspect I just looked wistful – I gave up smoking on my thirtieth birthday and still missed it.
    ‘Her name was Joy. Joy Middlemas. She was nineteen years old. Look, I’m sorry to ask, but why the hell should I believe any of this? It’s insane.’
    ‘It is, isn’t it? Completely insane. Do you believe in God? And give me your first answer, not the one you’ve thought about and analysed.’
    I felt a slow blush creep over my skin. I don’t know why it felt embarrassing, but it did. Like getting your first smear test and pretending you’re cool about it, chatting to the nurse about your holiday plans with your legs in stirrups.

    ‘Yes,’ I said, ‘yes I do. If you insist on the first answer, anyway.’
    He nodded and smiled. He had a dimple too. Just the one. On the left. It looked better on him.
    ‘I know. Feels wrong, doesn’t it? Like something an intelligent woman in the modern world shouldn’t admit. But it’s part upbringing – I’m guessing Liverpool Catholic with you – and partly instinct, faith, call it whatever you like. So, if you believe in God, do you believe in the Devil?’
    ‘I don’t know,’ I said, ‘probably not as a cloven-hooved bloke with horns. But I’ve seen enough evil in the world to know it exists. Why? Are you going to tell me he’s down your well, too?’
    ‘If only. And as for the cloven hooves, haven’t got a clue. Much like I don’t know if God sits on a cloud and never shaves. But the point I’m making is that if you find it possible to suspend your disbelief long enough to believe in a benign all-knowing creator, why do you struggle with the opposite? With the bad stuff?’
    ‘I don’t struggle with bad stuff. I just struggle with… ghosts. They don’t even exist, never mind kill teenagers.’
    ‘And you don’t believe in them because, what – you’ve never seen one? Like you’ve never seen God?’
    He raised an eyebrow and grinned at me. He could tell my logic was tying me up in knots and seemed to find it amusing. I wondered if it was too early in our relationship for me to tell him to fuck right off. I reminded myself that he was a priest – former – and I certainly wouldn’t tell Father Doheny to fuck right off. But there were a lot of things I wouldn’t do to Father Doheny that I’d certainly consider doing to this man.
    ‘Do you want another beer before I say any more?’
    ‘I better had,’ I said. ‘You’ll be making out Santa doesn’t exist next, then I’ll have to top myself.’
    He strode off into the house again. I watched his arse as he went. God is in the details, I thought. And the Devil’s in my mind.
    ‘I don’t expect you to believe it straight off,’ he said, returning with another chilled can, ‘but if you stick with this case and see it through, you might.’

    ‘So,’ I said, ‘ghosts exist.’
    ‘Yes,’ he said unwaveringly.
    ‘And demons – what about them?’
    ‘Yes, definitely.’
    ‘Fairies at the bottom of the garden?’
    ‘Don’t be stupid. They live at the top of the garden. Behind the shed, in fact.’
    I glanced over unconsciously. It looked normal enough, no little pink tutus or iridescent wings popping out from behind the brick. Although there might be if I carried on