Father Unknown Read Online Free PDF Page B

absolutely sure. A year ago she would have had no hesitation in answering yes to that question, but Joel’s new career and Mum’s illness had changed the relationship. She loved him just as much, but they never had time for fun any more. They were almost like an old married couple, meeting for a chat and a cup of tea, except even old married couples lived together and had opportunities for sex.
    Of course, she was jumping the gun anyway. Joel talked loosely about getting married in a vague, well-into-the-future sort of way, but he’d never actually proposed. She supposed that if she asked him if she could move into his flat with him he’d agree, but did she really want that?
    She just didn’t know. He worked such long, odd hours, she hadn’t even got a job, and leaving here just because of Lucy could be a serious mistake. But then she was an expert on serious mistakes, she seemed to have made them all. Looking back, she could see she had lived her life as though she was a piece of driftwood, being tossed this way and that by the boyfriends she’d had, never really making decisions for herself.
    She should have gone into catering or hotel management work when she left school at sixteen, because she had a flair for cooking and was good with people. But the boyfriend she had at the time didn’t want her to work unsocial hours. Looking back, that was a joke because he didn’t work at all, and all they ever did was stay in his grubby bed-sitter, watching TV and making love. To add insult to injury, he ditched her for a nurse, and nurses’ hours couldn’t be more unsocial.
    Daisy’s next serious love affair was with a car parts salesman. He lived in Leicester, and she stayed with him in his hotel room whenever he was in London overnight. As she always had to make herself available for him, she couldn’t start a night-school course then. Later she discovered he was married with three children, and it took her a long time to get over that betrayal.
    So it went on. Work was just something she did for money, her main concern was pleasing the current man in her life. There had been quite lengthy periods without a man, of course, but then her mind was always full of where to find the next one, never thinking she should take some time out and discover what she really wanted for herself.
    Daisy compared herself to some of her friends for a moment. Cathy was in computers, Sarah was a financial adviser, and Trudy worked for a travel agent. What was it about each of them that made them so ambitious and hard-working?
    It was true they’d all done better than her at school and had furthered their education with various training courses, yet the one thing which the other three shared, which she realized she had overlooked before, was that they didn’t come from backgrounds like hers.
    She suddenly understood why they often teased her. Trudy came from a council flat in Hammersmith, the other two were estranged from their parents and had been living alone since they were eighteen. None of them had ever had either the material things Daisy had or the benefits of intelligent, loving and supporting parents. So it wasn’t really surprising that they were hungry for the good things in life, and unlike Daisy knew the only way they were going to get them was through their own hard work.
    Ashamed of herself, she got up and pulled on jeans and a tee-shirt to take Fred out. As she walked down towards Turnham Green with Fred pulling on the lead to get to the grass, her thoughts turned from herself to Lucy. She wondered how badly cut her sister’s arm was, and if they could make it up today.
    The sky was a sullen grey and it looked as though it was going to rain later. But walking with Fred lifted her spirits slightly, for the way he ran around enthusiastically sniffing every last tree, post or seat was amusing. He too had been very confused for the last few days. He kept going up to her parents’ bedroom and looking through the door as if he