False Regret: Pikorua - Book 1 Read Online Free PDF

I
didn’t show up for work, somebody must have worried. But then again, maybe not.
I entertained doubts anyone but Matt would look for me. I’d lived many years
with few relationships. The fear of losing someone kept me from forming deep
attachments to anyone.  I knew there was little chance Matt would find me,
anyway. No one even knew I went for a run in the park, the downfall of living
my life mostly alone. I didn’t check in with anyone, and there was no one to
account for me. Matt had asked me to move in several times, but after six
months, I just wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment, let alone marriage.
Allowing myself to even get into a relationship was monumental. Until I met
him, I believed my heart was forever frozen after Cade died, and I was okay
with that.  Matt, through his diligence and unwavering pursuit of me, found his
way in, though. He was good, kind, and patient, but he wasn’t Cade. No one
could ever take Cade’s place inside me.  I sucked in my breath, the emotion
like a hot poker to my gut. I buried him long ago, figuratively and literally.
Ten years had passed since he died, but it still felt like a vise on my heart
when I let a thought of him steal its way inside my consciousness. On the
occasion he walked through my dreams, I would wake up in the midst of wailing
sobs that only forceful extraction of the memories would resolve.
    As
always, I brushed the thoughts and memories of him away from mind. If I let
them in, the result would be debilitating emotions that would cripple my
ability to think about anything else. I needed to focus on how to get out of my
current predicament.
     I
pondered Donny’s words and grasped my escape hinged on him. If I admitted that
I couldn’t take anymore, he’d get me out. He’d said as much. It didn’t make any
sense to me. Why did he care one way or the other, and why was he leaving it up
to me? Of course I wanted him to get me out. Why should I endure the abuse? I
truly didn’t know where my father was or how he was tied up in their business. I
didn’t give a shit, either. It had nothing to do with my life. I didn’t want to
see my dad get hurt or killed, but this was his world, not mine. He accepted
the risks when he became a cop, or a criminal, and I shouldn’t be the one to
suffer for his decisions.  A familiar anger towards my sperm donor bubbled
inside me.
     I
searched my options, not wanting to rely on or trust Donny. It might be a trap.
He might be playing me to extract information by gaining my confidence. No … I
had to escape on my own.  I assessed and reassessed my situation, but there was
no way out of the shed with its cement floor and metal walls that were bolted
to the concrete.
    My
mind finally devised a scenario that had little chance or working, but I was
desperate. Only one of them ever retrieved me at a time. I’d wait inside the
door and then clobber whoever showed up with the shovel. After that, I had two
choices, and I hoped we were not as far from civilization as we seemed to be. I
would either run through the woods where I risked being indefinitely lost or
dying of exposure in the vast northern state lands, or I’d have to subdue the
one left in the house to obtain the keys to the van.  It was the best plan I
could imagine, but there were definitely flaws. The downfalls and potential
things that might go wrong were endless, but according to Gordon, I’d be locked
in the shed a couple of days, at least, to ponder it.
    Exhausted
by the nonstop reverie in my mind, I fell asleep. Sometime later, I woke up
shivering to the sound of the chain. The door opened to the black silhouette of
Donny. It was nearly dark, and I was surprised I’d slept the entire day away. My
heart dropped, knowing I had missed my chance to ambush him.
    “Ellia,”
he said coming in. He closed the door behind him and lit a lantern.  He sat
himself next to me with a plate of food. “You need to eat. It’s important to
stay healthy and