time, but to have him appear out of thin air and make me worry about him all over again? To play with my emotions like that? That’s so not freakin ’ fair!
Oh, who was I kidding? Evan wasn’t doing it on purpose. It wasn’t his fault we had some unexplainable bond after supposedly connecting in between here and the afterlife. But seriously, if this was something that was gonna continue on until one of us actually died for real, then there had to be some ground rules in play. Like if you find yourself drifting through my dreams, keep to yourself!
I wondered if he even remembered last night. He didn’t before, though later he said I seemed familiar . It’s why I absolutely had to cut off all contact. If he ever began to remember our time together, and what we had… No, I couldn’t even think that way. I was with Robert. I loved Robert. And I wasn’t gonna let Evan screw this up for me a second time.
Groan…my insides were doing that awful twisting thing again. Deep down I knew there was still a smidgen of love for Evan. I’d be heartless if there weren’t. But I thought I had buried all that a long time ago. Now this dream had allowed the memory of us to slip through the cracks of all the walls I used to barricade it deep into my brain.
And I was worried about him. Really worried. I had a few days until my next class, and Robert was gonna be gone that long for that Bucknell Invitational swim meet anyway. I could totally take a bus to Penn State and try to find his family at the hospital. I’d bet they’d try to let me see him. If not, at least tell me everything going on, especially once I mention I helped care for him during his first hospital stay. And if I could get in good with the family, maybe I could get them to keep me informed of how he was doing. ‘cause if he suddenly dropped from my dreams again, no way I wasn’t gonna panic myself to death worrying if he woke up or passed away.
Good Lord. Why couldn’t I just have a normal life like everyone else?
I stuffed my backpack with all the necessities for my road trip: snacks, a couple bottles of water, a change of clothes just in case, one of those dirty novels with the embarrassing covers I liked to read, my phone and wallet, and the mp3 player Robert got me and showed me how to use (complicated little thing…). I did have Robert’s little black Infiniti since I dropped him off at the team’s bus, but I really didn’t wanna leave it at the bus depot, and no way was I gonna drive all the way to Pennsylvania and back. I looked it up. It’s a six hour trip both ways and I wasn’t that experienced of a driver. I knew the bus would take a lot longer, but at least I wouldn’t have to worry about falling asleep on the road or wrecking the car.
Wouldn’t that be a lot of fun to explain? Especially once his mother found out. She disliked me enough without feeding her ammunition. She was like a piranha in a tank of goldfish.
Being a kid that grew up in the system without finances and transportation, I became fluent in the world of bus routes. I wasn’t in favor of the bus, now that I’d been spoiled with the use of Robert’s car, but I wasn’t completely uncomfortable with the condition of the floors, the dirty, worn out seats or the fellow riders as some people would be. Although I would say this: I always traveled with my own seat covers, toilet paper and soap sheets…just in case.
What was I thinking just coming out here blind? The cool, crisp mountain air was soothing after being stuffed on that nasty bus with recycled air for eight plus hours, but my stomach turned again when I stepped inside the hospital and inhaled a mixture of medicinal and disinfectant laced air. I avoided the main entrance altogether, already knowing